Musings from the Jouney

Hey there!

Apparently I missed you last week. 

Oopsie poopsie!

Things are just always changing, you know? Big changes and little changes. Geographical changes and weather changes. Situational changes and emotional changes.

But that's what keeps us on our toes and tests our limits and beliefs. I have found that the more grounded I am in my emotions and beliefs, and the more peace I have in my soul, the better I can deal with the things that happen.

Cuz things are happening all the time!

And we must choose how to proceed with our new circumstances -- whatever they may be.

I am just speaking generally, I know. I hope you don't mind. I want you to be able to insert your own circumstances and beliefs into whatever you might be facing right now.

I wish you the best in all your endeavors. I hope you find time to feel joy in the moment and peace in your own soul.

That's really what I wish.

Every day.

I don't wait until my birthday to make a wish. I don't wait until Thanksgiving to be grateful. I don't wait until Christmas to give to others.

I just like to do those things each day.

That brings me great joy, so I keep doing it.

Not because someone told me to, or because I read it in a book, but because it works.

It seriously just makes me feel better to do the right thing. Even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard.

I think I get a prize each time after that. At least it's been that way so far! I like prizes. Ha!

Brady P gets a lot of credit for really engraining this into my being. I didn't do all this before he came into my life. I was on a decent path, but I didn't have strong enough beliefs to stand on.

He made it clear, just by being in my world, that I better know what I believe, or I'll just stay in a state of confusion. 

I feel that to be true.

Life is such a journey, and we must respect where we are in any given moment because that is where we need to be. If we knew more or less, we would be somewhere else.

That's just how it goes!

Haha. I act like I know. I only know what I've experienced, and I'm grateful, so I like to share it.

You don't have to believe a thing I say. I'm not here to force you into anything. We are all on our own journey.

But I must say, I sure am glad this little boy is such a big part of mine!

A match made in heaven!

Keeping It Fresh

Hi!

Is it Thursday already?

Things are a little, well, quiet up here right now. 

So Brady P and I go around breaking the silence. So far we are 1-0 praise to complaints. Hopefully that stays in the positive because we are only using our smallest speaker and no lights... yet.

These days, modern technology is so that I can carry my downloaded dance tunes with me and play them wirelessly through a little speaker. Brady P must have thought I looked so cool with the speaker because now he wants to carry it on his pocket.

It gives him a new pep in his step, all right!

Pocket speaker and a spanking for the lake

I don't know where he gets those moves...

So we'll walk around town dancing to tunes. Usually we'll hit a shore or two to throw rocks and dance for the lake.

We really dig it.

It is perhaps the highlight of our day: fresh air and dance moves.

Keep it real, peeps. Keep it fresh, keep it movin' and keep it fun!

Making a Believer

Now that it's pretty much B and me (except for school), I try to get us out on the weekends to see, well, someone besides B and me!

So far we have been pretty successful. 

It's hard for us to get sick of each other if we have other people to see. And it's good for both of us to be out of our element. A change in perspective keeps our brains young, learning and able to troubleshoot.

This last weekend we went to Hunter's Point. Always a winner for both of us. He's tall and strong enough now to hike the trail toward the point. We don't always make it all the way, but he sure gives it!

There are some spots where he'll stop and say, "Mummy! Oh no! What do we do? Hold my hand!" and then we conquer together. I'm pretty honored to be a part of that with him.

His little self perched near the shoreline

Although we do each need a break from each other for balance, when I stop and think about it, there really is nothing more meaningful to me at this stage of the game than being a part of his life in that way.

Being adventurous, conquering obstacles and seeing new places all help him build a foundation for believing in himself, getting stronger and becoming brave.

I sure believe in him. And, quite honestly, I think most people do by now. But to see him believe in himself is a great reward, not only for me, but for him.

He is going to do great things in this world. Just like any of us can. Believing is achieving.

Let's start there.

Pond Apples

A couple days ago Brady P and I set out to walk around the local meadow. It's most usually a lovely time.

When we got to a bridge crossing, he crossed it - counting each plank along the way. Then he noticed an apple tree that previously let loose a couple bushels worth.

Sploosh! The first apple landed in the pond after slinging from his catapult arm.

Well, that delighted him so much that he started to pick them up two by two, walk to the edge and toss them in gleefully.

I saw the plethora of apples under the tree and figured I had time to sit with my legs dangling off the bridge while the creek flowed towards me.

What a lovely afternoon. The only sounds were the rushing of the water beneath me, the wind rustling what was left of the leaves, a sweet little boy chuckling to himself and the splooshing of apples - two by two.

After some time, he decided to throw two apples upstream. He chucked them in in my line of vision.

I watched them get whisked away by the gentle current, and immediately thought of how my dad likes to throw snowballs over one side of a bridge and then run over to the other side to see when they make it through.

They usually make it through.

This was a little plank bridge, and I could keep track of the apples' journey.

One apple made it under rather quickly.

"Check it out, Dove!" I called to his busy little body. "One of those apples made it under the bridge. There it is!" I pointed.

"Oh! Yea-hah" he did his little chuckle. "He made it!"

"I wonder when the other one will come!" I chirped.

I could see the second apple swirling around and around in its own little pool of unyielding rocks. And in that moment, I realized that I put an expectation on that apple.

An unfair expectation an inanimate object.

And pretty instantly after that, I realize that we, as humans, do that all the time.

Sure the first apple made it through. Does is make it better than the second apple? Faster, stronger, smarter?

What if the first apple got eaten by a bear because it floated by at the exact moment the bear was hungry? And the second apple was spared?

What if the second apple needed to spin and swirl for minutes or hours or the rest of its life in order to learn what it needed to learn in its lifetime?

What if the second apple sacrificed its life by weathering the unyielding rocks so the next generation of apples could pass through with ease?

What if a mouse fell off the bridge and grabbed the apple, changing its course, so they both floated to shore, and the mouse's life was saved?

Who was I to expect that apple to float under effortlessly like the first one?

Who are we to judge anybody else's journey? We have no idea what is in store for another person in this world. Not our parents, our partner, our children, our friends or even the people on TV.

When we put an expectation on another person's journey, we disrupt the natural flow of their path, and we stifle ourselves with that expectation because, really, we have no control over it. And to think we do causes us and them distress.

So let's do everybody a favor, and get over it.

It's hard enough to feel like we're in control of our own journey. Even so, we are not. We just get to react to what life hands us and try to plan for the next step... whatever it will be.

If that step is on our list, then it might be something we need to learn - whether others think it's wrong or right.

Who are they to judge?

How about them apples?

Lake Superior this morning

doing whatever she wants

because who is going to judge her?

Next Time

Hi there.

Not today... Sorry.

Take care of yourself, eh?

Seven-Year-Old!

I am not going to say much today, but here is a picture I clicked while he "hid" in the cedars during a game of hide and seek at his birthday party.

My handsome little seven-year-old!!!

Book Worm

We have a reader, folks!

Wow.

When I was told about Brady P's potential diagnosis of Down syndrome, I consciously did the world a favor. I did not focus on the things I didn't think he would ever do. That was an awful feeling.

Instead, I focused on what he liked to do and nurtured it. Now I just let him surprise me.

He surprises us all!

Also, soon after he was born, I found camaraderie in a couple other moms and their children who have been here before me.

"Read to him everyday," one of them said.

So I tried my darndest to do that since he was a wee nut. I truly remembered her words, and tried my best.

Right now, I can tell you that it is paying off.

This little boy, who will be seven years old on Friday (Seven!!!) can sit by himself and read books out loud.

Pardon my French, but...

Holy crap in a basket!!!

I am floored by this each time I witness it, which is nightly at this point.

That little etch in my brain about reading to him everyday has become one of our most treasured pass times. We loooooove reading together!

We crawl in the big red chair with a book that either one of us picked out. Then I read the title, but I pick a different word to say for the last word, so he has to correct me.

"NO! It's not (the wrong word I said). It's (the whole title correctly spoken)."

He reads the title of each book for me before we begin.

I'm so cunning.

Then we read and laugh together. It is so fun! I get so many hugs from him while we read. It is such a wonderful bonding time.

We just got a few new batches of books for birthday week. When he opens them up, he reads the titles... of new books! He is reading words that he does not have memorized!

And lately, after we are done reading our three nightly books, he stays in the big red chair and reads them over.

A typical evening for the man of leisure

This is the part I'm in disbelief about. He goes back and reads the books again. Out loud. Correctly. With emotion and laughter.

I just shake my head in victory and disbelief. 

This is amazing.

And it warms my heart.

Wow.

I truly believe that if we keep nurturing his passions and talents, he will continue to amaze us. I am grateful for this journey.

And here is a link to a video I found yesterday. It's called "What It's like to Have Down Syndrome" by SmileSquad (in case you can't access the link for some reason.) I love its meaning and purpose. Enjoy!

Morning Run

Hi!

I have already exhausted myself today.

Pretty much all with good things, so no complaints, I suppose. But tired nonetheless.

Here are some (completely unedited) pictures from my run this morning, as it was beautiful, refreshing and much needed!

Her Majesty, Lake Superior

White Worm Coral Mushrooms -- I think!

Post Sunrise on Lake Fanny Home

Trail Love

And if you haven't already heard, the leaves are pretty peak up here. I don't have any good pictures, but here is a not-so-good one from my drive on Monday.

Covered Stretch Colors in the Rain

Okay, see you next week!

Be kind.

Dig deeper.

Prevail!

Trail Blazer

This kid.

He is so adventurous!

Last night we went to have pizza at a friend's outdoor pizza oven (so sweet, man!). Brady P was cool with chatting for a bit and eating some snacks, but then he got antsy.

"Mummy, let's go for a walk!"

We were at the end of a driveway in the woods. Next to a lake. Lake Lily, in fact!

So I followed him while he found a trail through the bushes.

"Mummy, let's take the trail!" he shouted with ambition. I followed dutifully and confidently.

"Uh-oh," he said when we got to the end. "Let's turn around!"

"Okay, this way, Mummy!" he informed me as we took the way we didn't take the last time. 

Fearlessly walking the planks

He even descended all the stairs to the dock, and we looked around at the lake for a bit. But not long... he had places to go!

"Okay, Mummy, let's go up. I'll do it by myself."

What a strong boy, back up all those stairs! All by himself.

He is really fun to walk behind. I like to hear him talk about what he sees in the woods and which way we should go and how he feels when a trail ends.

After he learns the intersections, he likes to take them over and over again to test his sense of direction and see if he remembers where each one goes.

This is also really fun for me to observe. I love watching his brain work, and I am impressed because I don't think I was like that as a kid.

To him, though, each unknown direction is a chance for discovery. Each intersection is a decision to make. Each dead end is a chance to backtrack and start again.

I love following my fearless leader. I'm so proud of him, and I'm excited to see where more of our journeys will lead us.

Will you go some place new today?

Miracle Worker

Remember last school year when we found and aide for Brady P? 

I have not praised her enough to you yet.

This post is a shout out to her.

Braeden calls her "Miss Whiz."

Miss Whiz and P. Pie

Miss Whiz devotes her time with him to the absolute highest standard. Each time she sees room for improvement, she takes it. When she sees it's time for a change, she makes it.

She doesn't just view her position as a job, she uses it as an opportunity to help improve somebody's life.

And she is nailing it.

Let me tell you, though -- her efforts don't just change his life, they (in a HUGE way) change mine.

I can just be a mom. (Haha. Like being a mom is simple at any capacity!)

I didn't know that was possible for me before she came along. I was used to being his everything.* 

I tried to carry out all his therapies at a somewhat large magnitude. I am not really a therapist, so I expended much more energy than I would have if I could have done those things efficiently.

Miss Whiz does them efficiently.

She is a therapist.

She has made giant strides with him in all areas while I have been able to take a giant step back.

I no longer have to focus on how his fingers are positioned on the pencil as he makes each letter of the alphabet; I can just have him sign his name in somebody's birthday card. I don't have to worry about how many times he can hop on his left foot; I just make sure we get out for a hike together. I don't have to sit in front of a mirror with him to show him how to position his lips and tongue in order to make a specific sound; I can just make up a silly song with that letter in it and have him sing it with me.

Do you understand this change? His therapists spearhead the target areas, Liz puts them into daily action according to his IEP and I get to supplement them while we have fun.

I also get to be amazed at how far he progresses without me having to be there to prod him every step of the way.

That is nothing short of a miracle.

This summer Miss Whiz worked really hard on biking with him. (As a caveat, I will say that this is a bit of an ego-crusher for me because I am a certified mountain bike instructor... But to teach a small child how to balance on a bike??? I'm at a loss!)

Liz puts the effort in. She does her research. She finds resources to get him just what he needs in order to succeed. She even got him cool dinosaur pads because she believes in preparedness and safety. And she is just awesome.

Yesterday during school, she took some videos of him doing one of the things they tried to do all summer: pick his feet up and coast down a hill.

I am so proud of both of them for their perseverance. I have shed several tears while writing this post as I think back on how much things have changed.

They are quite the team!

Here is that video for you to enjoy. I still can't believe he's coasting down the hill like that! My heart bursts.

I hope you have something to be proud of today too!

* This note refers to the above comment stating how I used to have to be his "everything." Nobody could or should be somebody else's everything. And in all honesty, we have great support from family, friends and community. I would never discount that. I am grateful. We also would not be where we are without all those fine people.

But as the nearly full-time guardian of this little person during the school year (and looooong winters), I sometimes feel like I am doing everything for someone else to the point that I don't have a life of my own. That has been quite difficult over the years, so this contrast shows me how this is a miracle.

Even some of those helpful family members have felt a relief as Liz has entered our lives.

I got the opportunity to let go of some of the reigns and regain a connection with myself. I get to just be Amanda more than I could before.

So again, thank you to everyone who has been on this journey with us and shown support. And thank you to Miss Whiz for helping our dreams come true. We are all truly blessed!

Conquering Hills

Hey!

Here's a little video from one of our sick walks. So pardon our voices!

On a note of translation, he says, "We did it." 

Then, "Oh no! It's a big hill again!" 

Then, at the top of the next hill, "Ooh. We did it, Mummy."

I am always so proud of how he can recognize an obstacle and muster up the strength to conquer it.

What a little man.

Take care of yourself!

Choosing to Prevail

Well, hello there!

Life sure is interesting, hey?

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

But it is what we make of it.

For the last several weeks, I have been choosing to prevail. No matter what the situation, I choose to prevail with love in my heart.

Do you know what happens when you do that?

You come out with more than you could have expected. You find more meaning in life. You have gratitude every day.

For instance, Brady P goes to his dad's house on weekends in the summer time. Those weekends are my chance to be Amanda -- whatever that means for me that particular weekend.  Whatever I want to do or clean or paint or fix or see.

It really helps keep me balanced.

Last Wednesday night, Brady P came down with a fever. Yikes! I asked the neighbors and other families if they had experienced anything similar lately, and the consensus was, yes, a 24-hour tummy bug.

So he was still fevering on Thursday, and since Aaron has a wife and small child, it was not fitting for Brady P to enter their home until things were settled.

We worked it out so that I would keep him for the weekend.

MY weekend!

At first I was really bummed, and thought, "this isn't fair!"

But it was the right thing to do, so it didn't matter if I thought it was fair or not. That's life. Do the right thing, gosh darn it!

As I let that idea settle, I really became okay with it. We spent the whole weekend together and now the first week without school because he still has a cough (not Covid, at least!).

So here I am, taking care of this little boy for much longer than I thought with all my plans foiling while I got sick too.

Do you want to know what?

We had a great time!

We had so much fun together going for walks, being zombies, playing new games, playing in the yard and just plain being present with each other.

Instead of being bitter about my situation, I embraced it. When I am at peace, he is at peace, and we really enjoy each other's company. We laugh and do goofy things and learn and dance and eat good food and cheers our drinks and snuggle and just enjoy life the way it was meant to be.

I am grateful.

So, this potentially "ruined" weekend turned out to be a real growing moment for us. My conscious attitude shift was key.

And of course, my determination to prevail has been quite helpful as well.

Because when you choose to prevail with love in your heart and the best of intentions, you prevail. And when you keep doing that, you realize that there is no better way to live.

At least that's where I'm at. Maybe you already choose that path. If so, we will probably meet up on it. Cheers!

This is the face before the Zombie comes out!

The Key to Our Hearts

The other day, B and I were at a friend's big 4-0 birthday party.  It was mostly adults with a couple other kiddos running around, but the focus was on the adults.

Except for mine because I was in charge of Brady P. My focus is always stuck on him when I am in charge.

Cuz he's fast.

And I am probably a bit overly-dedicated.

But this was a really wonderful group of people, and the more I looked around at the happenings, the more I noticed how much other people focus on him as well.

For instance, Auntie Abbie brought him a plate of snacks when she saw him lazing out on the couch. I was so grateful for her thoughtfulness.

Most people notice when he flees the scene, and they'll either run after him or shout, "There he goes!"

That helps me relax a bit in social settings. For that, I am also grateful.

Then there was this special moment when Brady P. got to bring the birthday girl her cake while we sang. The look on her face as she noticed what was going on really struck my heart. It was as if she was honored that he was the one bringing her cake (even though he really wanted to eat it!)

They sat next to each other and ate cake and ice cream. The people around interacted with him verbally, and laughed at his shenanigans.

It warms my heart to see him interacting this way because I no longer have to be the translator all the time. He can converse. People can ask him the questions, not me.

As the people around him laughed at his antics while he indulged in his favorite part of a birthday party, the birthday girl looked over at him and said, "I'm so glad to know you, Brady."

She said a couple other sweet things too that I can't remember well enough to quote because I was just so stricken with pride.

I guess pride would be the word, but it's me being proud of him.

Then we watched as he put his hand on her cheek and looked up at her sweet face and told her he loved her.

I teared up.

I think she did too.

It is such an enchanting experience to be the mother of someone who makes people smile and warms people's hearts and souls.

It overwhelms me to see how much love and energy people put back into this little boy based on the love they feel from him. It is proof that love can break the mold, love can heal people's hearts and love will help us help the world.

Brady P holds the key. Is your heart ready?

He can even charm reptiles