Musings from the Jouney

Hey there!

Apparently I missed you last week. 

Oopsie poopsie!

Things are just always changing, you know? Big changes and little changes. Geographical changes and weather changes. Situational changes and emotional changes.

But that's what keeps us on our toes and tests our limits and beliefs. I have found that the more grounded I am in my emotions and beliefs, and the more peace I have in my soul, the better I can deal with the things that happen.

Cuz things are happening all the time!

And we must choose how to proceed with our new circumstances -- whatever they may be.

I am just speaking generally, I know. I hope you don't mind. I want you to be able to insert your own circumstances and beliefs into whatever you might be facing right now.

I wish you the best in all your endeavors. I hope you find time to feel joy in the moment and peace in your own soul.

That's really what I wish.

Every day.

I don't wait until my birthday to make a wish. I don't wait until Thanksgiving to be grateful. I don't wait until Christmas to give to others.

I just like to do those things each day.

That brings me great joy, so I keep doing it.

Not because someone told me to, or because I read it in a book, but because it works.

It seriously just makes me feel better to do the right thing. Even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard.

I think I get a prize each time after that. At least it's been that way so far! I like prizes. Ha!

Brady P gets a lot of credit for really engraining this into my being. I didn't do all this before he came into my life. I was on a decent path, but I didn't have strong enough beliefs to stand on.

He made it clear, just by being in my world, that I better know what I believe, or I'll just stay in a state of confusion. 

I feel that to be true.

Life is such a journey, and we must respect where we are in any given moment because that is where we need to be. If we knew more or less, we would be somewhere else.

That's just how it goes!

Haha. I act like I know. I only know what I've experienced, and I'm grateful, so I like to share it.

You don't have to believe a thing I say. I'm not here to force you into anything. We are all on our own journey.

But I must say, I sure am glad this little boy is such a big part of mine!

A match made in heaven!

Yoga on the Planks

Hi there!

Last week was pretty stressful, but I am prevailing!

Brady P could tell I was stressed, and he became stressed too.

Then one afternoon, he took the initiative to resolve it. The power of his intuition and magic never cease to amaze me.

"Mummy, let's go for a walk!" he proclaimed tugging my arm towards the woods.

"Braeds, we promised to meet a friend right now," I argued. "Let's at least go home, so I can let her know."

"No, Mummy. Let's go for a walk." And off he went.

After a few deep breaths and an internal struggle, I gave in. He was not budging, and the only way I would get him to turn around was if I threw him over my shoulder kicking and screaming.

That was not necessary.

And, little did I know, he had a plan.

He took me to see the horses (who have really taken a liking to him, I might add). Then we walked around the meadow.

He lead us to a pond and up another trail that goes up and up the ridge.

"Oh boy," I thought. "How far up is he going to take me?"

By that time I was starting to give in to the fact that I would be following a six-year-old on a mission for the next unknown amount of time.

We went up and up. I was kind of hoping he'd get tired and want to go back down, but no dice.

Finally, somewhere in the middle of one of the Keweenaw's longest boardwalks, he stopped and announced, "Mummy, let's do yoga!"

Then, right there, on a stretch of elevated planks, Brady P lead me in a yoga session.

"Okay, now stand up! Arms out! Sit down and hug your knees. No, like this," he said, wiggling his hands until I got it just right.

We contorted ourselves and breathed. I adjusted my hands to his liking, and we breathed.

After sitting up from a laying down position, I looked down the boardwalk. The planks descended and curved out of sight. The thimbleberry bushes contrasted the gray conglomerate walls with brightness and life.

And I was in the middle of a yoga session with the coolest person I know.

I shed a couple tears.

I felt a weight off my shoulders. I felt peace so deep in my bones that all the stress released. It could no longer penetrate me. I became peace.

All thanks so Brady P. He knew I needed that. And he delivered it.

Perfectly.

My gratitude for that little boy and that moment overtook me. I have been much better since.

And so has he.

Thank you, my little yogi!

Not a yoga pose, but one of his most famous positions!

Love and Connection

Hey!

I hope you're doing great.

We are pretty darn great ourselves.  We are!

I just went back and read a couple of the dark posts I wrote this spring.  Looking back, I still find them useful.  I mean, I teared  up as I remembered how low I was feeling, but I think that the wisdom I found to share is still valid.

You can scroll down and find them if you want, but this week's post is to update you because I got a chance to reflect even more.  For months.  And with lots of new learning under my belt.

Just a quick recap: when school stopped indefinitely on March 13, 2020, I knew I had a big job to do.

No longer would I send my child to school where qualified people would prompt him to read, write, learn science, add numbers, see other kids, receive specialized therapies, etc, etc.

I would have to do that all with him.

Alone.

So at first I tried.  I tried really hard.

And it was good.

But the expectations never stopped.  They just kept becoming more and more with virtual school and isolation and me and him and him and me.

I thought I had to keep up with all those things.  I thought he needed physical therapy, speech therapy, fine motor therapy, reading, writing, getting outside, and everything all at once.

Truthfully, he benefits from all those things.

But I could not do it all.

And I felt like a failure.

Do you know what he really needed in those times?

It was really only one simple thing, and, in my despair, I put on the back burner.

It was love.

It still is love.

Know how I know?

Because I am focusing on that now.

Love and connection.

I was so frustrated with feeling frustrated with him and myself, that I started reading this book called Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham.

In all honesty, I am not even done with it yet.  I will finish it at some point, but I already feel like I have made big changes in our relationship.  Big changes where we laugh so hard together everyday.

We snuggle genuinely.

We kiss and hug.

We talk about things.

The biggest thing I have changed is my mentality.  I am focusing on our connection.

Our life is no longer about what I want him to do or what other people want him to do.  It's about what he wants to do and how we need to do it so he learns best.

Before you think I'm raising a spoiled brat, I assure you, I'm not.  Just the opposite.  He is polite.  He is becoming patient.  He is becoming independent.  He is becoming more helpful.

He is truly amazing, and so is our relationship.

I have changed my mentality from dictating my authority (and getting frustrated when it doesn't work -- which it doesn't on a daily basis), to observing him.

I pay attention to what he is doing in the moment when I need him to do something else.  Then I use what he is doing (or wants to do) to motivate him to do what I need him to do.

It is life-changing for us both, and it is truly beautiful.

I would recommend Dr. Markham's book to any parent.  Or even any non-parent who wants to relate better to other people in general.

She also has a website called AhaParenting.com.   I just checked it out.  What I like is that she divides ideas for coaching your child into the child's age group, so you can read what applies to you now.

However, I'm a real sucker for brain development talk, so I like to read from the infant stage on.  I try not to dwell on all the times I screwed up when B was a baby (cuz I was really stressed out!) because people's neurological pathways are always changing with the input they are given.

It only took a couple months for me to notice big changes in how he responds to me.  He puts more trust in me and enjoys doing things to help me out -- sometimes without being asked!  I mean, what a miracle!

In turn, I am more peaceful with myself.  More creative to troubleshoot (because that's a huge part of parenting) and more patient to wait for him to respond in my favor on his own accord.

That is seriously magical.

I'm all for it.

Well, hey.  Thanks for making it this far down the page.  Here's a cute pic of my Wee Man wearing Grampa's glasses a couple weeks ago.

You take care, and be patient with yourself!

Keeping Him Corralled

Hello!

Yesterday was so lovely that we just played outside.  Pardon my tardiness.  But things could be worse!

We are doing well.  I think that break was good for everyone involved.  And now... back to the grind!

Buy, hey, the weather has been spectacular!  And the buds are coming out on the trees!  It feels like summer right now.  Before the bugs.

Gosh, I really don't have any proverbial insight for you.  Or even a story, really.

I can tell you, however, that the effort it takes to keep a fast-moving/curious/rebellious 5-year-old boy in the yard is exhausting.  He already outgrew the fence I tried last year.

I'm not a white picket fence kind of girl, but we'll have to think of something because, well, quite honestly, it could be a few years before he fully understands why he needs to stay safe in the yard.  Feel free to send me any suggestions.  Ha!

He sure is fun, though.  And I'm so pleased at how much he loves to play outside.  He's already working on his farmer's tan and learning new games.  I'd like to keep that going in a fashion where I don't have to keep my eyes on him the whole time.  You know, cuz, I'd like to think I still have other facets to my life!

Okay, I've blabbed enough.

Things are looking up around here as the town is now allowed to reopen carefully.  Even the sentiment that the higher ups are loosening restrictions allows my soul to settle a little deeper into my body.

I hope you are doing well.  Really!  I do!  I think about you more than you can imagine.  Kind of creepy, but it's true.  Sometimes you come with me on my adventures.  I just hope you are doing well and working on that peace in your heart.  But always remember -- it's a tumultuous ride to get there!

Still chucking them!

Growing in Peace

Geez, after missing last week, I have so much to say!

But I don't have enough moments to myself to write it all to you.  Not complaining, just saying!

Let me stick to one of the most beautiful things I've learned through all this isolating business.

I'm pretty sure I already told you it's me and B, B and me 24/7 these days.  He is my quarantine buddy.

He is my cheerleader, too.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I eat all my lunch.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I put my clothes on in the morning.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I pee on the potty.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I find a pair during the matching game.

And so on.  I mean, is anyone applauding you for all the mundane tasks you do each day?  It's pretty uplifting!

Oops, I already got off track.

I wanted to tell you about the peace I have in my heart.  All my external expectations have been released.  No traveling, no appointments, no meet-ups, no other jobs, no nothin'.  Everything I do hinges on what B and I need to get through the day.

I know everybody's quarantine situation is different, but this is ours.  I often try to think about how things would be if I was in other people's situations through all this.  It helps with compassion -- one of my favorite things to learn.

But again, I digress.  Ha!

Back to the peace.

So, with all this settling of our life, I am able to stay at a relatively stable, peaceful place in my heart.  When I am living from that place, Brady P. is amazing.  He makes me laugh, he tries new things, he gives me sweet kisses, etc.

When I get disheartening news in an email or see something horrific on the news or realize one of my friends is having a hard time, I get stressed.

Brady P. feels that.  Even the littlest bit of stress, anxiety, anger or sadness that I feel, he feels it.  

How do I know?  

Because he gives it right back to me.  It's like he is mirroring me.  And I usually don't notice right away.  I just think he's being a little turd.  However, once his behavior reaches a point where it makes my own attitude explode, I realize that it stemmed from me.

My bad.

So what is this teaching me?

It is teaching me what a peaceful heart feels like and what a turbulent heart feels like.

It's okay to have turbulence in your heart enough to get your attention.  You have to figure out what it's trying to tell you.  Then you can say, "Okay, turbulence.  I no longer want to feel you.  I want to feel peace.  I will use what I have learned from you in order to move forward with more wisdom.  Thank you."

Then let it go.

You can't ignore the turbulence altogether, though.  Because, especially if you have a tiny human mirror for your emotions, you will see that you are hiding nothing.  Ignoring nothing.  It's blatant, and other people (should you see other people!) can see it.

Face the turbulence.  Talk to it.  Figure it out.  Use the new knowledge as a tool and move forward to do the next right thing.

If you keep on a path of always doing the right things, the path unfolds beautifully.  I know because I do my best to live that way.

That doesn't mean that nothing "bad" happens to me.  Circumstances happen.  And they are circumstances.  Only in each of our perceptions do we, as individuals, decide if the circumstance is "bad" or "good" or anything in between.

Then we act or react in order to get back to the state we are most comfortable in.  For me, it's doing the right thing with my heart at peace.

Now let me tell you this about having your heart be at peace.

Every little thing that is disruptive to your peaceful heart is immediately brought to your attention with an icky feeling.  If you face that icky feeling (turbulence) head on, and don't try to drown it out, you can learn and grow from it.

This is the beauty of life.

Thanks for listening.  It's wonderful for me to get to tell you about what I learn on this journey.

Since you made it all the way though, here is a picture B and me wearing wigs during one of our many funky dance parties.  I don't know if I could have asked for a cooler quarantine buddy!

Now I know I told you a little bit about what's in my heart, but more importantly is for you to tell yourself what's in your heart.

If you are in a position to have a lot of down time, with or without others around, sit quietly (if you can!) and just breathe.  Take the time to ponder what's in your heart.  Even ask out loud!  The answer may come at another time if it doesn't right away.

My best to you.  Be smart and stay safe!

"Big Waves"

It's August in the Harbor.  If you have ever visited or worked here during this month, you know it's a madhouse.  People come here to "get away," but in August they are here with everyone else trying to get away.  It's always been a paradox to me, but labeling it does no good. 

I just have to get away myself.

So last week, Brady P. and I went out to Hunter's Point.  We hadn't been there in a few weeks because, well, everyone else was there too!

But the Isle Royale Queen had just come back to the Harbor for the day, so I knew beach goers were waning.  And something inside me told me to go.

On our way to the shore from the parking lot, I tried to direct little man to the shore.  I always prefer if he travels on his own accord, even if it's heavily influenced by my words and direction.

We walked by a convertible with the top down, and the couple entering it exclaimed, "Big waves!" to Braeden to get him excited.  Then to me,  "Have you been down there?"

"Not today," I answered, knowing every day is different on the shore.

That day was more then different.

It was magical.

A peaceful looking man was seated in the boulders by the stairs, so we veered left a ways to give him some space.  There might have been a few rock hounds further down, but that I don't remember.

B and I sat down in the still warm, smooth rocks that comprise the beach.  The sun was to our left and slightly behind us -- about three hours before setting.  And the cliff-laiden shore stood wet and proud to our right.

Why was it wet?  The waves were coming in just right to smack those faces hard, delivering superior waterworks over 20 feet high.  They crashed with loud smacking sounds and sent droplets flying in a majestic way.

And we were seated between the sun and the splashes.  Do you know what happens in that perspective?

Rainbows, my friend.

Not only did we watch high smacking splashes, the droplets closest to the lake reflected rainbows.  Now, if you know me at all, you know that I love rainbows.  

I was instantly awed and humbled.  In disbelief.

Wow, wow, WOW!

The only thing that really captivated our attention away from this perfectly timed rainbow spectacle were the waves themselves.

The translucent aqua waves of Lake Superior rolled in at great heights like they often do on a fall day.  Except instead of watching lackluster waves that the gray autumn brings, they were illuminated by the sun, flaunting their turquoise hues.

As always, Brady P. was mesmerized by their rhythm, sound and ability to change as they broke over themselves.  (Okay, I'm not sure exactly what captivates him because he has never verbalized it.  This is just my guess.)

He stood there in his sweetly observant posture: standing up straight, hands clasped behind his back and eyes out to sea, following the next wave to arrive.  So still.  This pose alone is enough to show me that he has so much going on inside his brain and spirit.  I can tell he was awed and humbled like I was.

Then, all the sudden, one of those waves would come up a little further than any of the others had come before.  "Eeeek!" I would squeal as we both wondered if we're about to get licked.

Then we looked at each other and giggled hysterically.  We both loved every minute.

Brady P. didn't even throw many rocks that day.  The foaming waves absorbed any visible splashes, but we were also both so enthralled by the energy and beauty around us that we didn't have to make our own.  We were simply observers awed by Mother Nature.

Time stood still for that -- however long we were there.  And amongst the chaos of still August when I can't even get my van out of my driveway sometimes, I can reflect on that time that stood still in those great moments of beauty and connectedness... with the little boy who changed my life.