Inter

Okay.

I'm going to be straight with you.

It really hasn't been Winter here.

It's been more like Inter.

No "W" earned.

The temps and conditions linger between Winter and Spring. Sometimes Winter gives it a try, but then Spring takes over and starts to melt the snow white progress.

I have lived here for 17 years, and I have never seen an Inter like this. It's just... odd.

Now you know.

We do have enough snow to do wintery things, though. If you find the right spots. Lake Fanny Hooe, Medora and Manganese are frozen over and covered in snow. 

But... it rained yesterday. Oy!

It has been pleasant overall. I mean, the sunny days are nothing short of majestic! And I'm so grateful to see the waves on Her Majesty pretty much every single day since... last Spring.

It's different, but that's okay. Every time we have an expectation, it's grounds for disappointment. 

I try not to have expectations. Standards and goals, yes, but to put expectations on other things and people (like the weather or your kid) is really not fair to them. 

We can't control everything.

Just being honest. That's really all I can be. It sure makes life easier!

Here's a pic from our latest sunny day on the beach. B actually found rocks to throw! He was thrilled.

I mean, it is that kind of Inter.

My little Sun Beam

Okay, and now I have one more piece of exciting news for you. If you listened to my intro podcast episode, you already had a hint. But now...

... are you ready???

I am halfway through writing my next book!!!

Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!

I just can't help myself! Yesterday I wrote almost 3,000 words by creating two chapters. I'm writing chapter 21 right now.

My heart just swells when I get time to write. This book is pouring out of me, and my fingers need to keep up!

What's it about?

Great question!

Well, it's my first full-length work of fiction, and I can't believe I didn't start writing fiction sooner. The characters I created are just wonderful and full of surprises -- even to me!

This book is about the human condition. Everybody has struggles, and I created ten main characters (I know, ten is a lot, but I am keeping them accounted for.) who are working through their feelings as life progresses.

Most of the story takes place in a community garden where the characters meet as plot owners and often feel compelled to bare their soul to each other... sometimes accidentally.

This book seems so real. And funny. And sad. And sweet. And... all the things you would hope for! Plus, it's conveying many of the messages I feel are critical for people to understand in order to (you know it) help make the world a better place and reconnect humanity.

At this rate, it will be done before the end of the year. Keep your fingers crossed for me that nothing gets in the way of this writing train.

Chooo chooo!!!

Heart Peelings

I recently had my first night in over 60 days without a little boy in my care. I was overdue for a break. I could feel it.

Now that it's spring break, he is with Grammy and Grammy, and I'm so grateful!

I mean, wow. I needed this!

Here is what I learned this time.

Usually, the first day or two after I'm at home with me, myself and I, I sit in the chair and cry for half a day.

Sounds dramatic, I know. It took me a few years to figure out what was going on.

At first, I was really annoyed by it because, when I do get a break, I have all these projects I want to do.

When that incredibly sweet little boy is here with me, I am always "on." Always in the mode for what is next and what he needs and so on.

That's parenting.

So when he is gone, my body says, "Ahhh. Please take a rest, Amanda. Sit right down. Just relax and let your thoughts settle. You have much within you that you have not been seeing in your whirlwind. Come. Settle down and reflect."

Yeah, and cry my eyes out. Or sometimes just stare blankly and let the visions come.

It really took years of getting stuck in my chair to figure out that that is what I was supposed to be doing. My body would not let me do a project because I finally had the time to look inward and clear my soul. Apparently that was more pressing.

That went on for quite some time, and I accepted it. I even got to the point where I expect that to happen.

So after this latest timespan without time to really settle, I expected it to happen again.

But it did not.

I have been able to move freely about the cabin and work on projects that excite me. It's amazing!!!

Do you know what this means? 

It means that I have scrubbed my soul so much that I am in a good place. I no longer put unrealistic expectations on myself. I am gentle on myself when I used to be hard. I say yes to the things I actually want to do and don't just commit out of guilt. I have curtailed relationships that exhausted me. I have also turned my relationship with my son into us as a magnificent duo instead of a ball and chain.

I also try to take the time, when he is with me, to meditate and assess where I'm at.

I suppose it's working.

The fact that I did not have to cease activity in order to figure out what parts of my life I was ignoring is pretty huge. I'm so grateful for that, and I wanted to share it with you!

I still have plenty to strive for, especially career-wise, but I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction. 

Consciously clearing out things in my life that made me feel like a victim on any level was one of the best things I have done for myself lately.

I guess I wanted to tell you this, so you can see that any or all of the efforts you put in to peeling away at the happiness of your heart makes a difference.

The acknowledgement of our feelings and emotions is constant, but the energy it takes to reel us out can become less and less once we have a handle on how to deal with them in a positive way.

It's not easy -- especially at first. But, man, it's so worth it!

This is the gist of what my next book is about by the way... whenever I get the time to keep writing it! Wish me luck!

As Down Wind Dan would say,

"It's a great day for a day."

Love and Connection

Hey!

I hope you're doing great.

We are pretty darn great ourselves.  We are!

I just went back and read a couple of the dark posts I wrote this spring.  Looking back, I still find them useful.  I mean, I teared  up as I remembered how low I was feeling, but I think that the wisdom I found to share is still valid.

You can scroll down and find them if you want, but this week's post is to update you because I got a chance to reflect even more.  For months.  And with lots of new learning under my belt.

Just a quick recap: when school stopped indefinitely on March 13, 2020, I knew I had a big job to do.

No longer would I send my child to school where qualified people would prompt him to read, write, learn science, add numbers, see other kids, receive specialized therapies, etc, etc.

I would have to do that all with him.

Alone.

So at first I tried.  I tried really hard.

And it was good.

But the expectations never stopped.  They just kept becoming more and more with virtual school and isolation and me and him and him and me.

I thought I had to keep up with all those things.  I thought he needed physical therapy, speech therapy, fine motor therapy, reading, writing, getting outside, and everything all at once.

Truthfully, he benefits from all those things.

But I could not do it all.

And I felt like a failure.

Do you know what he really needed in those times?

It was really only one simple thing, and, in my despair, I put on the back burner.

It was love.

It still is love.

Know how I know?

Because I am focusing on that now.

Love and connection.

I was so frustrated with feeling frustrated with him and myself, that I started reading this book called Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham.

In all honesty, I am not even done with it yet.  I will finish it at some point, but I already feel like I have made big changes in our relationship.  Big changes where we laugh so hard together everyday.

We snuggle genuinely.

We kiss and hug.

We talk about things.

The biggest thing I have changed is my mentality.  I am focusing on our connection.

Our life is no longer about what I want him to do or what other people want him to do.  It's about what he wants to do and how we need to do it so he learns best.

Before you think I'm raising a spoiled brat, I assure you, I'm not.  Just the opposite.  He is polite.  He is becoming patient.  He is becoming independent.  He is becoming more helpful.

He is truly amazing, and so is our relationship.

I have changed my mentality from dictating my authority (and getting frustrated when it doesn't work -- which it doesn't on a daily basis), to observing him.

I pay attention to what he is doing in the moment when I need him to do something else.  Then I use what he is doing (or wants to do) to motivate him to do what I need him to do.

It is life-changing for us both, and it is truly beautiful.

I would recommend Dr. Markham's book to any parent.  Or even any non-parent who wants to relate better to other people in general.

She also has a website called AhaParenting.com.   I just checked it out.  What I like is that she divides ideas for coaching your child into the child's age group, so you can read what applies to you now.

However, I'm a real sucker for brain development talk, so I like to read from the infant stage on.  I try not to dwell on all the times I screwed up when B was a baby (cuz I was really stressed out!) because people's neurological pathways are always changing with the input they are given.

It only took a couple months for me to notice big changes in how he responds to me.  He puts more trust in me and enjoys doing things to help me out -- sometimes without being asked!  I mean, what a miracle!

In turn, I am more peaceful with myself.  More creative to troubleshoot (because that's a huge part of parenting) and more patient to wait for him to respond in my favor on his own accord.

That is seriously magical.

I'm all for it.

Well, hey.  Thanks for making it this far down the page.  Here's a cute pic of my Wee Man wearing Grampa's glasses a couple weeks ago.

You take care, and be patient with yourself!