Always Learning

Aloha!

I hope you survived the latest storm. I don't think any state in the continental 48 was exempt from that. 

Da harbor was pretty much shut down, I heard. I wasn't even there to witness the winds and drifts building out of control. That's a weird, slightly helpless yet relieved feeling. 

I went to my parents' house where I got to meet my new niece, Ruby! She was born to my brother and his awesome wife. Ruby is 5 months old and so precious! I love those guys.

Brady was jealous I held her for a few naps though...

It was puzzling.

Here is something for you to ponder.

B can read at the third grade level. He can name more animal species than almost every adult I know. He likes his space picked up and organized.

He understands that every human is worth asking their name along with a hug or handshake. He is amazingly compassionate and helpful if someone gets hurt or is sad.

But what he can't yet do is recognize his own emotions very well.

When he is having a hard time, he either shuts down or acts out for attention (if that's what he was seeking) in a negative way. 

After dealing with his new, slightly aggressive behavior at my parents' house, we began to realize what was going on. I gave a little talk to everyone with him in the room.

Once we were all on the same page, his behavior changed. He would sit on our laps and snuggle with us for attention instead of throwing things.

Cuz the latter just ain't safe!

B has a great team throughout his family and school, and we are all trying to work through this. It's important to get it right because he is honing and navigating those emotional neural pathways.

It's interesting because he is a genius in some aspects, but a toddler in others.

We all learn a lot and practice patience.

Back to the family story, he was such a stinker that we told him Santa wasn't going to come. But Santa didn't get the memo in time, and he came anyway.

The big guy found us!

Thanks, Santa!

I hope you are in good spirits and ready for a new year!

But if you're not, please realize you shouldn't have to wait for a new year to make a change in your life -- if you need one.

You can do it any day you wake up. Or any minute you feel you've had enough.

Believe in yourself today, baby!

Heart Peelings

I recently had my first night in over 60 days without a little boy in my care. I was overdue for a break. I could feel it.

Now that it's spring break, he is with Grammy and Grammy, and I'm so grateful!

I mean, wow. I needed this!

Here is what I learned this time.

Usually, the first day or two after I'm at home with me, myself and I, I sit in the chair and cry for half a day.

Sounds dramatic, I know. It took me a few years to figure out what was going on.

At first, I was really annoyed by it because, when I do get a break, I have all these projects I want to do.

When that incredibly sweet little boy is here with me, I am always "on." Always in the mode for what is next and what he needs and so on.

That's parenting.

So when he is gone, my body says, "Ahhh. Please take a rest, Amanda. Sit right down. Just relax and let your thoughts settle. You have much within you that you have not been seeing in your whirlwind. Come. Settle down and reflect."

Yeah, and cry my eyes out. Or sometimes just stare blankly and let the visions come.

It really took years of getting stuck in my chair to figure out that that is what I was supposed to be doing. My body would not let me do a project because I finally had the time to look inward and clear my soul. Apparently that was more pressing.

That went on for quite some time, and I accepted it. I even got to the point where I expect that to happen.

So after this latest timespan without time to really settle, I expected it to happen again.

But it did not.

I have been able to move freely about the cabin and work on projects that excite me. It's amazing!!!

Do you know what this means? 

It means that I have scrubbed my soul so much that I am in a good place. I no longer put unrealistic expectations on myself. I am gentle on myself when I used to be hard. I say yes to the things I actually want to do and don't just commit out of guilt. I have curtailed relationships that exhausted me. I have also turned my relationship with my son into us as a magnificent duo instead of a ball and chain.

I also try to take the time, when he is with me, to meditate and assess where I'm at.

I suppose it's working.

The fact that I did not have to cease activity in order to figure out what parts of my life I was ignoring is pretty huge. I'm so grateful for that, and I wanted to share it with you!

I still have plenty to strive for, especially career-wise, but I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction. 

Consciously clearing out things in my life that made me feel like a victim on any level was one of the best things I have done for myself lately.

I guess I wanted to tell you this, so you can see that any or all of the efforts you put in to peeling away at the happiness of your heart makes a difference.

The acknowledgement of our feelings and emotions is constant, but the energy it takes to reel us out can become less and less once we have a handle on how to deal with them in a positive way.

It's not easy -- especially at first. But, man, it's so worth it!

This is the gist of what my next book is about by the way... whenever I get the time to keep writing it! Wish me luck!

As Down Wind Dan would say,

"It's a great day for a day."

Wishing Away the Pain

Man.  We had quite the weekend after Brady P. took a tumble.  Since I went in depth with my feelings last time, I'll let B-man do the talking.

* * *

Hi.  

This is Braeden.  

I can count to 10 in German.  I like to do it for people cuz they think it's cool, and they think I am smart.  I can count to 10 in Japanese too.  My mom taught me.  I can almost do it in French.  Then I will try Spanish.

My mom and I are together a lot.  She was sad for a while. She cried a lot for a few days.  Everyday.  She told me she was sad because I was hurting in my back.  She said she was sad but it wasn't my fault.

I told her it would be okay.  She said she knew it would be okay, but sometimes she had to cry really big cries.  I cried big cries when my back hurt.  I never felt a hurt shoot through my body like that before.  It surprised me each time I felt it, and I screamed.

Mom had to carry me a lot, so it wouldn't hurt.  Sometimes it hurt when she carried me and she would cry then too.

She told me I walked like an old man.  She said I was being ginger, but I don't have red hair.  She cried when she watched me walk like that and told me it broke her heart.

When I would cry in pain, mom would cry too.  Then I had to stop crying and tell her it would be okay.  I think it hurt more to watch her cry.  I like mom to be happy.

On Monday I got to see Dr. Andrea, the chiropractor.  I like her.  She is really nice.  She let me hold her clicking tool.  I crawled up on her table all by myself, and she said I am strong.

Mom stroked my hair and made her fingers talk to me in funny voices while Dr. Andrea pushed on my back.  It felt nice.  I could feel the pain going away.

She pushed on me all over my body and talked to me and mom really nice.  She is good at smiling.  I like her.

I felt good when I walked out of the office all by myself.  I felt so good that I ran away, and mom didn't even yell because she was so happy I could run.  

Then we had a cheeseburger and fries.  That was really yummy.  I like French fries. I ate them all!

I still feel much better.  I can dance and climb and run and even jump on my trampoline a little bit.  

I will have to be more careful not to climb on furniture and fall off.  It really hurts.

Tuckered out after our first trip out of the harbor 5 weeks!

Be smart.  Don't climb on the furniture.

Big Dumps

Hey.

For the sake of emotional integrity, I am going to be surface level and brief today.

We just got (according to my measurement) 16 inches of heavy snow.  It was a great workout to move it.  And just before I was done, somebody decided that shoveling looked fun.

So I gave him a pint-sized shovel, and he helped me finish.  What a proud little man.

Mama's little shoveler

See you next week once things settle a bit.  In the meantime, be true to yourself.  You deserve it.

Did You See That?

I feel like Braeden is the epitome of inclusion.

He wants everyone to feel acknowledged.

And now that he can say "hi" and "bye" without prompting, at the perfect times, he is starting to spread his love verbally.

"Hi!" he shouts as someone new enters the general store while we are hanging out by the ice cream cooler.  "Bye!" he waves when they leave.

"Hi!" he calls when a couple walks down the road with their dog.  "Puppy!" he squeals and points.

"Bye!" he waves from his wagon when a pickup truck starts its engine in the parking lot and drives away.

"Hi!" he announces when a friend walks up to greet us.  "Bye!" he waves his excited, yet floppy wrist just before they turn to leave.  And their heart melts as his sweet, little voice acknowledges their departure.

My heart melts too.  And I often chuckle at his insistence on greetings... for the goofiest things sometimes.  But they are not goofy to him.  They are important.

I don't think he just sees the people.  He sees their energy.

With that being said, I've also noticed that he likes some people better than others.  He loves calm, loving people.  Peace, groundedness and caring.  I feel like he sees little rainbow hearts slowly dancing around their body.  He is drawn.  And he himself is calmed.

I am calmed by these people too.  And I am working on more peace within myself.  Don't get me wrong, I feel quite peaceful overall.  But when I am responsible for a small child who greatly enjoys running off into the distance without looking back, I have to stay on my toes.  And he can even feel that ounce of stress in me.  

He probably sees it.

Like little loaded springs bouncing irregularly around my head as my tension and alertness rise.  I know he sees something.  And I am so excited to ask him about it when we are able to have conversations.

But for now, I just watch his emotions.  How they express on his face and throughout his entire body.  He can't hide how he's feeling -- not for a second.  His uninhibited nature expressed it fully.  And he is able to read it in others.

Like they are his favorite book.

So go ahead, express yourself.  And imagine how Brady P. would react.  Are rainbow hearts dancing around you?  Loaded springs?  Lightning bolts?  Roaring tigers?  Babbling brooks?  

Try being mindful of the energy you give off and the energy you feel from others.  Cuz, if you were Braeden, you would see that whole other realm.