Like a Dream

Hey!

Sometimes you just don't know what to say, right?

In those moments, it might be better not to say anything at all! So that's what I did. Sorry I missed you.

I guess the most meaningful thing that I can tell you about right now is how sweet it is to snuggle with my little boy at night.

We get to snuggle up together pretty much every night during the chilly half of the year. That's a lot of bed time snuggles!

And each night (unless I have to exit sooner), I lay next to him until he falls asleep.

Soft lullaby music plays. My left hand rests across the right side of his body as he holds my face in his hands or rubs my eyebrow. We say "night night" and "love you so much" and "see you in the morning" and talk about the day and giggle for a bit.

Sometimes I sing him a song.

Then his breathing deepens and gets a touch louder. He falls asleep in my arms. 

I cherish that for a minute or two.

Then I make my escape. I slowly lift my left arm up. Then I take his soft, warm hand off my cheek, give it a kiss and lay it on his other hand on the pillow.

And wait...

to make sure he's still asleep.

Then I rise and slowly walk out of his room, closing the door and giving a nod of gratitude.

Whew.

I am amazed at how fast he will fall asleep sometimes. It does make me feel good to know that he feels so comfortable and relaxed around me.

That sweet little angel boy.

I know he won't want me to snuggle with him forever, and our first few years were a LOT of work to get him to sleep.

So this feels like a dream.

And I just wanted to share it with you.

Can't get his picture at night, so here's a fun frame nap shot

Little Victories

I think I've alluded to the fact that school mornings are get-up-and-go with no dilly dallying.

He's got to have his one bite (thyroid medicine), pee on the potty, get dressed and ride horses.

No wait, Mom. It's not ride horses. It's eat breakfast.

Oh yeah.

Haha. That is our song each morning to stay on task.

Then, when the big hand is on the nine, I put his shoes, hat, jacket and mittens out for him to choose which goes on next. Usually, during this process, I have to prod him to pick what goes on next and help him put it on.

But this morning, something changed.

I laid out his clothes when the big hand was on the nine. I told him I was going to put my boots on, and, I kid you not, by the time I slid my feet into both boots, I looked over and he had his hat and jacket on.

"Look, Mummy!" he showed me proudly.

Then he sat right down next to his shoes.

"Okay," he sing-songed. "Now my shoes!"

"Are you going to put them on by yourself?" I asked.

"Yes, Mummy."

And I watched in amazement as he did -- ever so diligently. Even the straps before and after. 

He tried his mittens by himself too (yes, it's still cold here!), but I had to help him with one of them.

I knelt down by him and hugged him so tight.

"I am so proud of you, P Pie! You can get your things on all by yourself! What a big boy, you are!"

"Yes, Mummy." he said. "Okay, let's go out!"

What used to be a terribly long, drawn out struggle turned into a quick two minute process. I know not everyday will be perfect like that, but what an amazing step forward!

My little independent boy. I am so proud of him.  He can do it, he wants to do it and he actually does it.

It's still a bit early to imagine this entirely, but someday, all the troubleshooting and struggling we do in a day, just to get through, will be done (or different!). I will have so much more energy for more productive things!

But right now, they are all teaching moments and guidance and persistence. Oof. It's been a lot, but we are getting there, and those little victories like we had this morning sure make it all worth the effort!

Chucking rocks in his duds

Thank you to everybody who believes in him.

Cast Away

I don't kow what else I can really say about this video to make you see the genuine, peaceful nature of Brady P. any more than the video does itself.

Enjoy!

P.S. if you are reading this from the email, please visit the video at this link.

Timed Out!

Oh, man. 

How many Wednesdays are they putting in a week now? Sheesh!

Yesterday was my birthday, so I didn't write, as you can tell. But I will say that my soul entered its thirties as a lamb and it's going out like a lion!

Hear me roar, baby. I'm on fire!

Okay, here's a story for you.

I found this situation to be quite eye-opening, so I'll see if I can share it with you properly.

I picked up my little man from his grandparents' house on Saturday. We drove back to Copper Harbor on Sunday.

On the way, I had to stop for gas. It was just over halfway of our five hour drive, so I figured we could both go in for a potty break and pick out a snack. It's just the novelty of it.

I pulled up to the pump. I pushed the "Pay Inside Credit" button cuz I knew we would make a purchase inside as well.

I returned the nozzle and opened Brady P's door.

"Hey, dude! Are you ready for a break?" I asked him.

"Yes, Mama. And how about a treat?" he smiled.

"Okay." I acquiesced. "Wow, you are still dry! We will go potty inside too."

"Okay, Mummy."

And I helped him heroically jump out of the van.

"Do you want to put on your mask right here or before we go in?" I asked and fumbled with our masks. I put his on before we went in.

Then we used the restroom. The one-seater woman's room. I went. Then I helped him go. Then I wiped down the seat because he can only do it if he stands on the seat. We washed our hands.

I opened the door to see two ladies waiting in line.

"Oh! I said. "Thanks for your patience!"

They were not amused.

B and I browsed a couple aisles. I grabbed an orange juice. He found the ice cream. As we scanned the shelf for something not-so-dairy, I heard a man shouting.

"Your gas is timing out!"

Pause. I was not paying attention.

"Your gas is timing out!"

I heard these words, but I thought somebody was saying that they couldn't pump all their gas or something.

Then, the man behind the counter got closer.

"Ma'am! Your gas is timing out! It thinks you're a drive-off!"

Oh my gosh! He was talking to me!

"Hurry up, Braeds! Pick something out! How about a Rice Krispie bar?"

"No, Mummy," he said, still eyeing up the ice cream cooler.

The man behind the counter grew increasingly nervous, so I figured I'd do the unthinkable -- use my debit card twice in a row. Ha! Like that was a big deal!

I left B to stare at ice cream, and I walked up to the counter, noticing a muffled alarm going off. Geez.

"How about if I just pay for my gas now and then pay for our other things when we are done?" I asked him.

"Yeah, sure, just, yeah," he stuttered, obviously agitated.

I have never heard of gas timing out before, but apparently it's a big deal!

I paid him and then found my child who picked out a push pop. Good grief. He can't push his own push pop! I knew it would be work for me while I drove (sticky work at that!) but it was also not really a dairy item, so at least we would sleep that night.

"Okay, bud. Put it on the counter, so he can scan it," I told my triumphant child.

Then I used my debit card again for a pittance of an amount, but at least the man had relaxed.

"Thanks for your patience with us," I told him with sincere eyes.

"Yes. Of course," he replied.

B and I walked out, and I half expected the police to follow my van and ask me if I paid for my gas, but that didn't happen. Good thing because I didn't get my receipt! Ha!

While I buckled the sweetest little boy on the face of the earth into his carseat, it kind of dawned on me: I am a very patient person.

Nothing we did, from the time I pumped gas, until the time I got timed out, was hurried. At the same time, nothing was too much out of the ordinary either. 

We were simply a mom and her son making a pit stop on the way home.

My next question was, who the heck sets the time limit for a drive off? We certainly didn't make the cut. How many other families don't make the cut? How many other unhurried souls don't make the cut?

I don't know.

And now I wonder how many of those timing outs he has in a day... or a month!

I don't know!

But we apparently took too long, and that was just fine with me. Next time we take too long, I'll know what I am getting shouted at for!

Back home where we can be in the moment

Waves of Adoration

And so this is Spring Break.

Woo hoo!

Spring Break this year does not mean Florida beaches for me (I did it one year when I was in my 20's!). It means little Brady P. got to see his dad and grandparents. He is still with them, and I am grateful.

Where does that leave me?

In beautiful, chilly Copper Harbor to do whatever I want.

Whatever!

Sure, I stayed up on my jobs and did some adult things, but I really felt free this week.

Last night I danced under the stars.  The stars! What a beautiful place to look under a crystal clear sky. So marvelous and freeing. I cannot leave the house once he goes to bed here, so that was a treat.

I got to listen to music for hours with my lover. Also a treat!

I got out for walks wherever and whenever I wanted. 

It was all so freeing!!!

Yesterday I walked to Hunter's Point and sat on the beach for a bit.  That felt unusual because I don't often go there alone, and I usually don't walk there because it seems so far away.

In my jovial aloneness, I thought about little Brady P. and how he loves to watch the waves roll in. I imagined his little body convulsing as his eyes popped out of his head.

Then I was suddenly taken over with a figurative wave of love and adoration for him.

Every time I think of him when he's away on a break, I get this feeling. My whole body feels saturated with love and devotion for this little person who has entered my life and pretty much taken it over.

We are together so much, that his absence really allows me to feel the impact he has on me. How he's changed my priorities. How he's taught me to love and accept everybody in such a big way.

He is truly a magical little person, and I am one of the luckiest people on the planet to get to spend so much time with him.

It is surreal, and the gratitude I feel is marrow deep.

I feel like you can see the adoration in my face in this picture from a few months ago. His naps on me are now a rarity... but so precious.

That little boy.

I can't wait to see him again so we can, you know, go throw rocks and listen to kid music all day long and he can boss me around a bit more.

Ha!

Thanks for your patience with me while I enjoyed a bit of freedom and doing things just for me.

Back to the grind soon! I hope you are great!