Letting It Go

Brady P. is coming into this stage of development that is kind of shocking to me.

Not only is he exerting independence, but he is really blossoming his creativity and preferences.

As a mother who started this journey on high alert for health and safety, this has taken some getting used to. I actually have to consciously shift my attitude and priorities in order to allow him to manifest his individuality.

For instance: I usually just cook for us, set everything up for us and tell him when it's time to eat. But he really likes to help me (or anyone!) with whatever needs to be done.

So one day, while I was making lunch, he came over and said, "Mummy, let's have a picnic!"

It was a lovely day, and I need to let his ideas flourish, so I said, "That's a great idea! Let's get it ready!"

I set out a "picnic tray" and had him load his fork, his drink and some napkins. He did it all with pride in his step. When everything was finished, I carried the tray, and he helped me with the door.

"Mummy, right here," he said, so I knew where to set the tray down.

We had a nice little picnic in the sunshine. It was his idea, and he helped make it a reality!

On Monday, I took him into the co-op to get some groceries. I pulled out a shopping cart (they are smaller than most carts), and B said, "I push it!"

Well, off he went like a bat out of hell, and I had to reign him in and pull him back to the correct aisle. Then he took off again, stopped at the sale rack and put a bag of veggie chips in the cart... like he was in charge.

"Okay," I said, "we can eat those. They are two for $6, so do you want to pick out another bag?"

He picked out a different flavor. 

Nice. Okay. We can do this.

Then he zoomed off to the next sale rack, lifted a large bottle of avocado oil off the shelf and gingerly put it into the cart.

"Okay..." I said again. "I suppose we were going to run out soon anyway."

Then I figured I should just let him shop because he was picking out things that we actually use, and, well, they were on sale!

After we parked the cart in the produce section, he picked out carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, an apple and a watermelon. 

Some things we already had, but the things that were not on my list, I let him keep because that probably meant he would eat them. Good deal.

At the check out, he helped lift some items to the counter. What a little man he is. He is only 6 and a half, and he really enjoys doing the mundane things in life because, well, that's what people do!

As his mother, I need to let him.

And the more I let him, the more I see unfold. The more I see unfolding, the more he automatically does the dutiful things in daily life like get dressed and sit down to eat and take a tubby and so on.

It's as though the routine things that used to be a struggle are more automatic to him because he is able to branch out beyond the mundane in a more creative way.

It's awesome for me to watch it unfold for him and a relief for me to know it will happen.  I can just let some things go.

Especially the things I stuck into a pattern in my own mind. Releasing them has allowed him to be himself.

Ahhh, welcome to parenthood all over again!

Here's the welcome sign at our chiropractor office. He was a star there too because we just let him do his thing. He almost got hired as the assisstant!

Little Victories

I think I've alluded to the fact that school mornings are get-up-and-go with no dilly dallying.

He's got to have his one bite (thyroid medicine), pee on the potty, get dressed and ride horses.

No wait, Mom. It's not ride horses. It's eat breakfast.

Oh yeah.

Haha. That is our song each morning to stay on task.

Then, when the big hand is on the nine, I put his shoes, hat, jacket and mittens out for him to choose which goes on next. Usually, during this process, I have to prod him to pick what goes on next and help him put it on.

But this morning, something changed.

I laid out his clothes when the big hand was on the nine. I told him I was going to put my boots on, and, I kid you not, by the time I slid my feet into both boots, I looked over and he had his hat and jacket on.

"Look, Mummy!" he showed me proudly.

Then he sat right down next to his shoes.

"Okay," he sing-songed. "Now my shoes!"

"Are you going to put them on by yourself?" I asked.

"Yes, Mummy."

And I watched in amazement as he did -- ever so diligently. Even the straps before and after. 

He tried his mittens by himself too (yes, it's still cold here!), but I had to help him with one of them.

I knelt down by him and hugged him so tight.

"I am so proud of you, P Pie! You can get your things on all by yourself! What a big boy, you are!"

"Yes, Mummy." he said. "Okay, let's go out!"

What used to be a terribly long, drawn out struggle turned into a quick two minute process. I know not everyday will be perfect like that, but what an amazing step forward!

My little independent boy. I am so proud of him.  He can do it, he wants to do it and he actually does it.

It's still a bit early to imagine this entirely, but someday, all the troubleshooting and struggling we do in a day, just to get through, will be done (or different!). I will have so much more energy for more productive things!

But right now, they are all teaching moments and guidance and persistence. Oof. It's been a lot, but we are getting there, and those little victories like we had this morning sure make it all worth the effort!

Chucking rocks in his duds

Thank you to everybody who believes in him.

Growing in Peace

Geez, after missing last week, I have so much to say!

But I don't have enough moments to myself to write it all to you.  Not complaining, just saying!

Let me stick to one of the most beautiful things I've learned through all this isolating business.

I'm pretty sure I already told you it's me and B, B and me 24/7 these days.  He is my quarantine buddy.

He is my cheerleader, too.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I eat all my lunch.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I put my clothes on in the morning.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I pee on the potty.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I find a pair during the matching game.

And so on.  I mean, is anyone applauding you for all the mundane tasks you do each day?  It's pretty uplifting!

Oops, I already got off track.

I wanted to tell you about the peace I have in my heart.  All my external expectations have been released.  No traveling, no appointments, no meet-ups, no other jobs, no nothin'.  Everything I do hinges on what B and I need to get through the day.

I know everybody's quarantine situation is different, but this is ours.  I often try to think about how things would be if I was in other people's situations through all this.  It helps with compassion -- one of my favorite things to learn.

But again, I digress.  Ha!

Back to the peace.

So, with all this settling of our life, I am able to stay at a relatively stable, peaceful place in my heart.  When I am living from that place, Brady P. is amazing.  He makes me laugh, he tries new things, he gives me sweet kisses, etc.

When I get disheartening news in an email or see something horrific on the news or realize one of my friends is having a hard time, I get stressed.

Brady P. feels that.  Even the littlest bit of stress, anxiety, anger or sadness that I feel, he feels it.  

How do I know?  

Because he gives it right back to me.  It's like he is mirroring me.  And I usually don't notice right away.  I just think he's being a little turd.  However, once his behavior reaches a point where it makes my own attitude explode, I realize that it stemmed from me.

My bad.

So what is this teaching me?

It is teaching me what a peaceful heart feels like and what a turbulent heart feels like.

It's okay to have turbulence in your heart enough to get your attention.  You have to figure out what it's trying to tell you.  Then you can say, "Okay, turbulence.  I no longer want to feel you.  I want to feel peace.  I will use what I have learned from you in order to move forward with more wisdom.  Thank you."

Then let it go.

You can't ignore the turbulence altogether, though.  Because, especially if you have a tiny human mirror for your emotions, you will see that you are hiding nothing.  Ignoring nothing.  It's blatant, and other people (should you see other people!) can see it.

Face the turbulence.  Talk to it.  Figure it out.  Use the new knowledge as a tool and move forward to do the next right thing.

If you keep on a path of always doing the right things, the path unfolds beautifully.  I know because I do my best to live that way.

That doesn't mean that nothing "bad" happens to me.  Circumstances happen.  And they are circumstances.  Only in each of our perceptions do we, as individuals, decide if the circumstance is "bad" or "good" or anything in between.

Then we act or react in order to get back to the state we are most comfortable in.  For me, it's doing the right thing with my heart at peace.

Now let me tell you this about having your heart be at peace.

Every little thing that is disruptive to your peaceful heart is immediately brought to your attention with an icky feeling.  If you face that icky feeling (turbulence) head on, and don't try to drown it out, you can learn and grow from it.

This is the beauty of life.

Thanks for listening.  It's wonderful for me to get to tell you about what I learn on this journey.

Since you made it all the way though, here is a picture B and me wearing wigs during one of our many funky dance parties.  I don't know if I could have asked for a cooler quarantine buddy!

Now I know I told you a little bit about what's in my heart, but more importantly is for you to tell yourself what's in your heart.

If you are in a position to have a lot of down time, with or without others around, sit quietly (if you can!) and just breathe.  Take the time to ponder what's in your heart.  Even ask out loud!  The answer may come at another time if it doesn't right away.

My best to you.  Be smart and stay safe!