He Runs

So, not only do we have a hiker... we have a runner.

Oh boy!

Not my forté.

I might go for a jog sometimes for a quick workout, but I don't go too far and I certainly don't go fast. I never claimed to be a runner.

But Brady P is!

"Mummy, let's ruuuuuun!" he announces pretty much everywhere we go. Especially to school. 

Each morning.

Even when the weather is cold, windy and rainy, he wants to run to school. He absolutely refuses a ride. Even when the mornings looked like night time!

I just make sure to bring the extra layers he refuses before we leave... cuz he asks for them halfway through.

"Ah!" he shouts, covering his face with his mittens. "Mummy, I need my scarf!"

Luckily it's in my pocket.

He also likes to run on our walks around town now. Sometimes I'll appease, but these old knees don't appreciate bouncing down the pavement.

He gets upset when I don't run.

"Mummy, RUN!"

"I don't want to run right now, Dove."

"Yes, run! Please! Come on!" and he gets a little whiny. I try to encourage him by running with him most times, but, man, running just is not fun!

And this next part is embarrassing.

I think he can outrun me.

He bolts much faster than I jog, so I have to actually run, which I don't do for long distances. Ever.

I'm a sprinter. For a minute. Or to get away if something is chasing me, you know?

But he runs. Runs, runs and runs.

I know. This seems so redundant.

That is how our life is with this running thing. He just goes!

Although I'd rather hike or take him on a bike ride, I am really proud of his new sport.

He is a young man who is much smaller than most kids his age. But he runs.

He was born with two valves in his heart instead of four. He had heart surgery at four-months out of the womb to correct that. Each year I get a survey from the hospital, and one section asks about his ability to sustain physical activity. To me, that says that people who had open heart surgery might have a hard time sustaining a brisk forward projection.

But not Braeden.

He runs.

He can run! With longevity! He tires me out!

I can't believe it. But I'm so grateful.

I think I might have to start biking along side him instead, though. He's only going to get bigger and stronger.

I wouldn't be surprised if he ran a marathon someday. He never ceases to amaze me.

Don't let him catch you!

Heart Peelings

I recently had my first night in over 60 days without a little boy in my care. I was overdue for a break. I could feel it.

Now that it's spring break, he is with Grammy and Grammy, and I'm so grateful!

I mean, wow. I needed this!

Here is what I learned this time.

Usually, the first day or two after I'm at home with me, myself and I, I sit in the chair and cry for half a day.

Sounds dramatic, I know. It took me a few years to figure out what was going on.

At first, I was really annoyed by it because, when I do get a break, I have all these projects I want to do.

When that incredibly sweet little boy is here with me, I am always "on." Always in the mode for what is next and what he needs and so on.

That's parenting.

So when he is gone, my body says, "Ahhh. Please take a rest, Amanda. Sit right down. Just relax and let your thoughts settle. You have much within you that you have not been seeing in your whirlwind. Come. Settle down and reflect."

Yeah, and cry my eyes out. Or sometimes just stare blankly and let the visions come.

It really took years of getting stuck in my chair to figure out that that is what I was supposed to be doing. My body would not let me do a project because I finally had the time to look inward and clear my soul. Apparently that was more pressing.

That went on for quite some time, and I accepted it. I even got to the point where I expect that to happen.

So after this latest timespan without time to really settle, I expected it to happen again.

But it did not.

I have been able to move freely about the cabin and work on projects that excite me. It's amazing!!!

Do you know what this means? 

It means that I have scrubbed my soul so much that I am in a good place. I no longer put unrealistic expectations on myself. I am gentle on myself when I used to be hard. I say yes to the things I actually want to do and don't just commit out of guilt. I have curtailed relationships that exhausted me. I have also turned my relationship with my son into us as a magnificent duo instead of a ball and chain.

I also try to take the time, when he is with me, to meditate and assess where I'm at.

I suppose it's working.

The fact that I did not have to cease activity in order to figure out what parts of my life I was ignoring is pretty huge. I'm so grateful for that, and I wanted to share it with you!

I still have plenty to strive for, especially career-wise, but I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction. 

Consciously clearing out things in my life that made me feel like a victim on any level was one of the best things I have done for myself lately.

I guess I wanted to tell you this, so you can see that any or all of the efforts you put in to peeling away at the happiness of your heart makes a difference.

The acknowledgement of our feelings and emotions is constant, but the energy it takes to reel us out can become less and less once we have a handle on how to deal with them in a positive way.

It's not easy -- especially at first. But, man, it's so worth it!

This is the gist of what my next book is about by the way... whenever I get the time to keep writing it! Wish me luck!

As Down Wind Dan would say,

"It's a great day for a day."

Leading From the Heart

I started this week's post by typing a pep talk to myself in hopes that inspiration would strike for today's topic.  Once I wrote the next five words, I had it figured out:

"Just write what you feel."

Zap!  It hit me like a lightening bolt.  The rest flew tirelessly.

What you feel is right.

Because feelings come from inside.  They come from the heart.  They are real desires of the spirit.

If I wrote what I thought I should, I would be guided by society's expectations of me.  Enough people do that.  I don't want to do it too.  It does not inspire me.  It does not seem real.

I have spent the last year undergoing a transformation in my life.  I didn't take any mystical classes.  I didn't read any specific authors religiously.  I didn't get advice from a counselor.

I simply started feeling.

I started listening to my heart.

At first, I doubted my heart a lot.  Because my heart didn't always make sense.  It didn't conform to the norms of civilization.  It wanted me to do things that seemed idiotic to other people.  Even to me.  Prompting me to make big, difficult decisions and stick with them.  

But I felt I had to make them.

Otherwise I couldn't eat.  

That is how strong my heart, my soul, my purpose was crying out to me.  To think (notice the word think, and not feel) that I could go back to the easy, more acceptable way of living made me nauseous.  I lost 14 pounds last fall because my heart and mind were in such a battle.

Luckily, my heart won.

And here I am, continuing to share its ever-beating glory with you.

You might think I am crazy, but that's okay.  Last year, I would have thought this was crazy talk too.  But once I started feeling, I embraced the beautiful changes that were happening in my life.  That were happening around me.  That were happening to Braeden as he sensed my peace.

And the latter was enough to confirm that I was on the right track.  Okay, that and the fact that I could eat solid food again.

It should come as no surprise that Brady P. is a feeler.  He acts from his heart.  Well, he is at the egocentric stage of development right now, but overall, that is how he operates.   And once he entered my life, he emanated that.  I had no choice but to follow his lead or I would be ignoring the greatest gift I had ever been given.

The gift of a teacher of love.  The gift of a son who is basically cognitively unable to conform to the norms of society.  Even as he ages, a more selfish, inhibited, even cold way of life will not be able to route into his neurological pathways.

That extra chromosome is a gift.  It keeps him true to himself.  And in turn, he is true to others. 

I want to share this video with you.  I hope you watch it because it illustrates my point so beautifully, and the star of it is a man with Down syndrome.  The first person with Downs to own his own restaurant, in fact.  

Not just any restaurant, but the friendliest restaurant.  Ever.  Because the owner, Tim, greeted every person who entered, whether he knew them or not.  And gave people hugs, as warm as Brady P. does.  He pursued his dreams by following his heart and changed his path when something pulled his heart into a different direction.

I challenge you not to cry while watching.  I can't personally not cry, but the subject is certainly dear to me.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH!

As the old saying goes, "You can't stop love!"  Especially in someone who leads with their heart.

Splashers and Woofers

Even though we had a teaser of spring, it is still winter.  The fresh few inches of still falling snow just keep proving it.  But hey, it's the Keweenaw.  What do we expect?

Braeden and I expect to make the best of it.  Today is the first day I had to bundle him in his one-piece snow suit since he's been back from Wisconsin.  Otherwise he had the freedom of his lined nylon pants and jacket.  Room to run, run, run!

And run he did.

On Friday he ran and pushed his wagon almost the whole way from the Lake Fanny Hooe boat launch back into town.  At one point we stopped to listen to a wood pecker in a tree, and I realized he was panting.  Really panting like he was working hard.

For a child who had open-heart surgery three years ago, the panting, rosy cheeks and energy to sustain his pace was a miracle to me.  He is doing awesome!

He has also been running along the road to get to the creek in my love's neck of the woods.  We'll run to the creek, then find a nice spot to watch the sunset.  Sweet Bryce will stomp off chunks of snow to throw and sploosh into one of the few spots of open water on Lake Superior's shore (from the running creek).  I make dramatic splooshing sounds, and Braeden throws his arms around like a splashing wild man.

"More." 

"More," he signs after each snowy boulder splashes and busts apart in the shallow water.  Bryce stomps off another edge of the banks.

I admire him as he exerts all that energy to stomp boulders of snow for Braeden's entertainment -- the bigger the better in Brady P's eyes.  Then he climbs up the snow mound and lifts a dripping snow chunk over his head.

"Are you ready, Braeden?" he asks.  

Braeden smacks his head for a yes while his mouth opens in extreme excitement at the size of the next chunk.  I am amazed myself.

"Kasploosha kapew kapew bawoowoowoosh!" I shout as the splashing commences.

Braeden flails in delight.  And signs more.

Mama and Brady P. watching a sploosher

Bryce even took our picture during a sploosher.  Pretty nice view for splashing in the creek!

On Saturday, the Copper Dog came to our town.  The block was nuts.  It was like Fourth of July in Winter.  My body went slightly into panic mode as I saw all the people moving about.  

But Braeden didn't seem to notice.  He just held my hand, looked straight down at the icy slush his feet were stomping through and marched straight ahead.  He only looked up to point when he heard a dog barking.

After a walk through the crowd (and his nap) we came back to try the dogsled ride.  One of the mushers ran his six-dog team that afternoon in the midst of three days of racing 150 miles to let 50 kids take a ride, two at a time.  Bless his heart.

Braeden didn't want to go.  

I asked him two dozen times.  "Do you want to ride with the puppies?" 

He shook his head no each time.  So we waited in a nearby bank, so he could at least watch the dogs and be next to them.

Rosy cheeks waiting for the doggies

The dog team is in the upper right corner under the cedar trees.  But this was the only picture where Braeden was smiling, so I used it!

Sooner than I thought, it was his turn to ride with his friend Maddie from school.  He kicked and screamed.

"He can go with you next round, Mom," the helper told me. I was relieved -- for B and Maddie.

At our turn, I plopped down and set him on my lap, half expecting him to cry and flail.  But the dogs started running right away, and he had no time to figure out how he felt about the situation.  He was instantly excited to be moving and see the puppies running ahead of us.

He pointed and squealed in delight the whole way.  We had a great ride around the park.  Whew!  And another new experience under his belt.

One Heart at a Time

It is possible that you, dear reader, are reading this as a friend or family member of mine.  It is also possible that you only know me through the font I choose and the words I type.  If only the latter, I want you to know who I am.

I want you to know what I stand for, and I want you to know why.

Before Braeden came into my life, I thought I had it all figured out.  Everything was seemingly perfect: my husband, my job, my location, my inspiration, my everything.  Perfect.

And then I found myself pregnant.  Although bringing a child into the world at that point wasn't really something I had dreamed of, the pregnancy went so well that it was seemingly perfect, too.

But Braeden was born with Down syndrome.  Was that perfect?  

Brady P. -- minutes after birth

If you would have asked me that question any moment before I locked eyes with my son, I would have said, "No.  That's not perfect.  That's not even okay."

But I never had that option.  I never had that knowledge.  And I never had to make that choice.

I fell in love with that soulful wonder of the universe just minutes before I learned of his condition.  I started to believe in the perfect bundle in my arms only a moment before I would never have believed in him at all.

That's a tough thing to admit.  But it's true.

And his presence has changed my life.

The unconditional love that pours out of him gives me hope for this world.  Yes, this world.  At this time.  On this planet.  

I have hope because I saw how he changed me.  How he took my judgement and disbelief in something that I would have deemed "less" and showed me how it is more.

How to rock a Mohawk hat

Love can win.  Do you believe that?

Acceptance can only be achieved in our own hearts.  Once you are able to accept one sort of situation or person or entity, you open your heart to be able to truly accept others.  Then maybe you will see that we aren't so different after all, and you can accept everyone.

That is my goal.

One heart at a time, Brady P. and I are showing this world how powerful love, acceptance, and Mother Nature are in order for us all to survive.  To co-exist.  To thrive.

So as 2018 approaches, I want you to ask yourself, "How can I make it better?" Not just for you, but for the entire world. What can you do to better someone else's life?  To help others? To advocate for a group of people?

"What can I do to help???" 

That's not always an easy question to answer, but pay attention to the feelings you get when you see others treated unfairly.  When you know others are suffering.  Pay attention to the feelings you get when you want to help, but you don't know what to do.  Because, if you truly want to help, you will be shown a way.

Extraordinary cuteness in effect

Hey.  I believe in you.

I am already working on my next book, and usually I don't talk about it publicly this early, but I am really excited about it.  It will teach people how to listen to their hearts.  It will foster personal development on a level that will ripple out to the rest of the world.  It's going to work, I just know it.  That is why I am here...

Just you wait and see.