Wishing Away the Pain

Man.  We had quite the weekend after Brady P. took a tumble.  Since I went in depth with my feelings last time, I'll let B-man do the talking.

* * *

Hi.  

This is Braeden.  

I can count to 10 in German.  I like to do it for people cuz they think it's cool, and they think I am smart.  I can count to 10 in Japanese too.  My mom taught me.  I can almost do it in French.  Then I will try Spanish.

My mom and I are together a lot.  She was sad for a while. She cried a lot for a few days.  Everyday.  She told me she was sad because I was hurting in my back.  She said she was sad but it wasn't my fault.

I told her it would be okay.  She said she knew it would be okay, but sometimes she had to cry really big cries.  I cried big cries when my back hurt.  I never felt a hurt shoot through my body like that before.  It surprised me each time I felt it, and I screamed.

Mom had to carry me a lot, so it wouldn't hurt.  Sometimes it hurt when she carried me and she would cry then too.

She told me I walked like an old man.  She said I was being ginger, but I don't have red hair.  She cried when she watched me walk like that and told me it broke her heart.

When I would cry in pain, mom would cry too.  Then I had to stop crying and tell her it would be okay.  I think it hurt more to watch her cry.  I like mom to be happy.

On Monday I got to see Dr. Andrea, the chiropractor.  I like her.  She is really nice.  She let me hold her clicking tool.  I crawled up on her table all by myself, and she said I am strong.

Mom stroked my hair and made her fingers talk to me in funny voices while Dr. Andrea pushed on my back.  It felt nice.  I could feel the pain going away.

She pushed on me all over my body and talked to me and mom really nice.  She is good at smiling.  I like her.

I felt good when I walked out of the office all by myself.  I felt so good that I ran away, and mom didn't even yell because she was so happy I could run.  

Then we had a cheeseburger and fries.  That was really yummy.  I like French fries. I ate them all!

I still feel much better.  I can dance and climb and run and even jump on my trampoline a little bit.  

I will have to be more careful not to climb on furniture and fall off.  It really hurts.

Tuckered out after our first trip out of the harbor 5 weeks!

Be smart.  Don't climb on the furniture.

Growing in Peace

Geez, after missing last week, I have so much to say!

But I don't have enough moments to myself to write it all to you.  Not complaining, just saying!

Let me stick to one of the most beautiful things I've learned through all this isolating business.

I'm pretty sure I already told you it's me and B, B and me 24/7 these days.  He is my quarantine buddy.

He is my cheerleader, too.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I eat all my lunch.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I put my clothes on in the morning.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I pee on the potty.

"Good job, Mommy!" when I find a pair during the matching game.

And so on.  I mean, is anyone applauding you for all the mundane tasks you do each day?  It's pretty uplifting!

Oops, I already got off track.

I wanted to tell you about the peace I have in my heart.  All my external expectations have been released.  No traveling, no appointments, no meet-ups, no other jobs, no nothin'.  Everything I do hinges on what B and I need to get through the day.

I know everybody's quarantine situation is different, but this is ours.  I often try to think about how things would be if I was in other people's situations through all this.  It helps with compassion -- one of my favorite things to learn.

But again, I digress.  Ha!

Back to the peace.

So, with all this settling of our life, I am able to stay at a relatively stable, peaceful place in my heart.  When I am living from that place, Brady P. is amazing.  He makes me laugh, he tries new things, he gives me sweet kisses, etc.

When I get disheartening news in an email or see something horrific on the news or realize one of my friends is having a hard time, I get stressed.

Brady P. feels that.  Even the littlest bit of stress, anxiety, anger or sadness that I feel, he feels it.  

How do I know?  

Because he gives it right back to me.  It's like he is mirroring me.  And I usually don't notice right away.  I just think he's being a little turd.  However, once his behavior reaches a point where it makes my own attitude explode, I realize that it stemmed from me.

My bad.

So what is this teaching me?

It is teaching me what a peaceful heart feels like and what a turbulent heart feels like.

It's okay to have turbulence in your heart enough to get your attention.  You have to figure out what it's trying to tell you.  Then you can say, "Okay, turbulence.  I no longer want to feel you.  I want to feel peace.  I will use what I have learned from you in order to move forward with more wisdom.  Thank you."

Then let it go.

You can't ignore the turbulence altogether, though.  Because, especially if you have a tiny human mirror for your emotions, you will see that you are hiding nothing.  Ignoring nothing.  It's blatant, and other people (should you see other people!) can see it.

Face the turbulence.  Talk to it.  Figure it out.  Use the new knowledge as a tool and move forward to do the next right thing.

If you keep on a path of always doing the right things, the path unfolds beautifully.  I know because I do my best to live that way.

That doesn't mean that nothing "bad" happens to me.  Circumstances happen.  And they are circumstances.  Only in each of our perceptions do we, as individuals, decide if the circumstance is "bad" or "good" or anything in between.

Then we act or react in order to get back to the state we are most comfortable in.  For me, it's doing the right thing with my heart at peace.

Now let me tell you this about having your heart be at peace.

Every little thing that is disruptive to your peaceful heart is immediately brought to your attention with an icky feeling.  If you face that icky feeling (turbulence) head on, and don't try to drown it out, you can learn and grow from it.

This is the beauty of life.

Thanks for listening.  It's wonderful for me to get to tell you about what I learn on this journey.

Since you made it all the way though, here is a picture B and me wearing wigs during one of our many funky dance parties.  I don't know if I could have asked for a cooler quarantine buddy!

Now I know I told you a little bit about what's in my heart, but more importantly is for you to tell yourself what's in your heart.

If you are in a position to have a lot of down time, with or without others around, sit quietly (if you can!) and just breathe.  Take the time to ponder what's in your heart.  Even ask out loud!  The answer may come at another time if it doesn't right away.

My best to you.  Be smart and stay safe!

Too Late Now

Hey there!

As the day is almost over, I would say that I didn't get to this blog today.

Sorry to disappoint you.

I hope you are safe and healthy.  I hope there is peace in your heart.

Xoxo.

Hooooowwwwwl!!!

Hi!

Some of the folks in our town participate in a weekly howl. 

This week, because of the full moon (a full Pink Super Moon on my birthday!), we did it last night.

I would either have had to keep Brady P. up just past his bedtime or try to quick put him to bed and hope he slept through it.

I chose the first option.

To prepare him for this, I told him we'd be howling outside that night like wolves.  He said it sounded scary.  Oh well.  We were going to do it anyway!

My friend Stacia came over to howl with us.  When we heard the "Oooooooooooooo"s echoing through the town, we knew it was time to start. 

Stacia and I howled our hearts out.  So did the fog horns on the foggy lake.  What a cacophony!

Brady P. heard the ruckus and came around the corner to see me howling on a snow bank.  He must have thought it was pretty cool because he asked me to help him climb up.

I did.  But what he did next, I was not prepared for.

Stacia took a few pictures of us howling together, but then she shot this video highlighting the feeling behind his howls.  As you can see from my reactions, I was one proud mama!

(If you are reading this in the email, please go to downsbythebay.blogspot.com to see the video.)

And I'll just leave it right there.

Brady P. has the best advice sometimes.

Remembering Gratitude

Hey there.

How are you?

I know that things seem surreal and sometimes unfair, but let's remember what we're grateful for.  I can get really out of sorts and miserable when I forget the wonderful things in my life.

I bet you can too.

Here are some of the things I'm grateful for:

- I live in Copper Harbor in the fresh air with already quiet streets and a supportive community

- I have a wonderful man who loves me even though I haven't seen him in two weeks cuz the government says we're not supposed to

- My kid is really pretty awesome

- We still have enough food in the house to get through a few more weeks

- The General Store is still serving us locals who refuse to travel south

- We have clean water to drink

- The sun shines more often

- There are rocks to throw by the creek

- Overall, my heart is at peace, and I continue to grow and learn about myself and my place in this world

- The internet is working, so B and I can have conversations with other humans and see their smiles

- I can take a hot shower

- We are healthy

- My kid is seriously awesome

Thanks for listening.  This list is not complete, but it's a start.  

Have you written a list like this lately?  You should try it.  It will make you feel better.

Now for goofiness sake, here are some pictures of the things Brady P. has put on in the last week.  After wearing an over-sized/non-functional article of clothing one time, he understands why he won't wear it again, so I don't even have to tell him "no."

I learn best from my own mistakes, and I'll let him do that too.  As long as he is safe!

Mom's jacket and Grampy's hat

Mom's hat, gloves and boots!

Mom's sunglasses

A... wig???

At least there is never a dull moment.

Be grateful.  Be smart.  Stay safe, and stay at home.  Just do the right thing.  This is a good time to learn what that means.

See ya!