Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Love Path

So this might seem a bit mushy, but please read on.  Today we are talking about love.

Love was something different before I met Brady P.

What is love to you?  Think about it for a moment.  No, really.  Just ponder for a bit.

Okay.  Here is what love was to me before I had Braeden.

Love was a feeling that I felt for certain people.  I loved Aaron in a different way than I loved my parents and a different way than I loved my friends.  I didn't love strangers because I didn't know them.

Love would ebb and flow.  It could be taken away or given with all my heart.  It was something I gave and something I received from others.

But Braeden taught me that is not how love works.

When I first had him, I loved him so much.  The feeling that came over me when I comprehended how much I loved and cared for him was the most intense love I have ever felt.  I would often ask him, "How can I love you this much?  I never knew this much love was possible!"

So I felt like that was the pinnacle of love -- the love from a mother to a child.  Even Aaron didn't understand it because Braeden didn't grow in his body for nine months.  That motherly love is hard to explain.  

As a writer, I was determined to be able put that feeling into words.  I sat down and tried and tried to capture the feeling in black ink.  But when I read it, it just didn't have the same effect.

If you have children, you probably know this indescribable feeling.

But three years after his birth and a whole new Amanda later, I am beginning to understand what love really is.  I shall do my best to justify its power.

Love is not something to be given or taken away.  It is always there.  It is not just a feeling, it's an energy.  It's what keeps us alive. 

We are all made of love.  

We are all made of this unfathomable vibrance that can make our heart feel like its exploding out of our chest and enrapturing everything around us.

And it is always there.  We just have to pay attention, feel it, be grateful and share it with others.

So let's go back to the moments when I look into Brady P.'s uninhibited eyes and marveled at how much I loved him.  It is not that I loved him more than anyone before.  Yes, I have put more effort into him than anything else in my life, but that doesn't mean I was giving him more love.  Even though I thought I was.

I am now more aware of the love that is surrounding us -- the love that we are made of -- when I look into his eyes.  

Braeden's soulful eyes

Braeden's eyes have no filters to his soul.  They have let me see the universe on several occasions.  His eyes let me into the love that he is made of, and my spirit expands as we consciously let our love/energy merge.

Am I losing you?

Let me reiterate what I said I thought love was before, but put it into my current philosophy.

The love I feel is the same for Aaron, my parents, my friends and strangers.  Since I am made of love, and I am aware of it, I am able to project it to others.

So I project it to everyone.

Some people project it back differently.  Brady P. always gives it back exponentially.  My own parents willingly let their love flow back to me.  The person I just said hello to at the grocery store might hold back on their return because they have not formed trust with me.  

But that's okay.  My love is unconditional.  It is there regardless.

Whew.  You made it to the end of the love post.  Do you think I'm crazy?  It's okay if you do.  I love you anyway.  I can't even help myself.  

Allowing love to flow freely through me has let me feel more connected to everyone, whether I know them or not.  Whether I see them or not.  It's the most amazing feeling I have ever had in my life, and now it is dictating my path.

So thank you, Brady P., for showing me what love is made of.  We are taking this love path together.

1 comment: