The No Zone

Hi!

How are you doing?

I can't hear you.

I said how are you doing???

Oh. Nope. Still can't hear you. Guess this reading thing is one-sided.

Well, I hope you're good. At minimum.

If you're not, then you just have some things to work through. It might be one thing, it might be one million. But you have to start somewhere!

Best of luck!

Parenthood is quite interesting. It's as though your kid knows when they overcome a hurdle or milestone, so things can get easier in one department, but then they make it harder in another.

Brady P. is 90% potty trained, and I am so proud of him! His sentences are flourishing. And he no longer says "Mup!" to me 1,000 times a say. Just more like 5.

If you don't remember, "Mup" is sort of his game of "gotcha!" And he really would get me. Like, every time.

He is also, for the most part, doing a really good job of staying on task to get ready for school. That's imperative. I don't wake us up with enough time to dilly dally. Just enough time to do all the things and run down to the bus.

So what's the trade off?

The "no" phase. 

Even Miss Liz, his aide as school, noticed.

"Hey, Braed, are you ready for supper/ to getting dressed/ to go out for a walk/ to see a friend/ to use the potty/ to eat your yogurt?"

"No, Mummy. I said no."

And he means it.

I have to do a lot of bribing and deal making with him. For instance, if he wants me to say yes for him to watch his iPad, then he needs to say yes to peeing on the potty first.

"No, Mummy. I say no."

"Okay, then. I say no iPad. When you show me you filled your potty up, I'll give you your iPad."

Then it goes either way. It depends on his priorities at the moment, I guess.

Liz keeps reminding me that we will get through this. We will. It just gets a bit annoying because we seriously can't go anywhere on the weekends. I mean, not even for a walk! He spent the last two Sundays in just his undies!

Now you can condemn my parenting choices for that, but I know that he just wants to have his way sometimes. He works really hard at school, on the potty, getting ready for school, reading his evening book and speaking full sentences, that I just have to give the kid a break.

I mean, that is a lot even for a normal kid. This child has to work much harder to do things that most kids do. For instance, he tries sooooo hard to get his sentences right (and out quickly) that he rolls his eyes up and stutters several times before he spits it all out. He is processing a lot.

So I will give him a few weeks of "no" (hopefully that's all!) because I am so proud of him, and he is really developing quickly in many areas. 

He just needs to feel like he is in control sometimes, and he'll get over being so negative about basic daily life. It's really not that fun, and he knows it.

But he can do what he needs to do. I mean, he's six!

Just to prove how hard he works, here is a video Miss Liz made of him during one recess. Just one! And he's on snowshoes!

If you can't see the video in the email, please find it at Downs by the Bay.

Have a great day!

Just Perfect

I guess that something pretty wonderful has been on my mind.

I remember my internal debate about if I really wanted to ever have kids.  Since I was little, to when I was in my 20's, to when I was married with a blossoming career, I debated.

"I think a kid would get in the way of all this traveling I have to do for my job," I told myself when I was an active outdoor freelance writer.

And that assumption was correct.

But you know what?

After little Brady P. was born with all the extras that came with him, I didn't want to be an outdoor freelance travel writer anymore.  It seemed so... trite.

The experiences that caved my world in, and the journey I was on with my son told me that there was more to my life than writing articles about outdoor life (not knocking it at all.  Somebody else can do it!).

Nope, my path changed dramatically in a few months.  And six years later, as that little boy turns into a charming, smart, well-behaved, compassionate, heart-melting human being, I know I was right about the switch.

Maybe I have already written about this lately, but I'll write it again:

Little Brady P. Pie Jones is an absolutely beautiful, captivating human being.

When people see him or meet him, they just know.  They know he is not just special, but enchanting.  I tell people his superhero name would be The Heart Melter.

Because he is.

If you are angry, you won't be angry if Brady P. enters the room. If you are sad, and he gives you a hug, you will find a reason to smile.  If you get a boo boo, he will try to make it better.  If you see him in his element, he will try to make you laugh... and when you laugh, he will make you laugh harder!

On Monday I brought him in for his well-child checkup.  He did everything so nice for the nurse, and he sat so sweetly in his flirtatious way while the nurses asked me the routine questions.

On her way out the door, the first nurse said, "You are a very well-behaved young man."  Then she turned to me and said, "Great job, Mom!"

That made my heart feel so good.  People really notice what a little gentleman he is.

He always says hello to a passerby, and he often blows a kiss when somebody leaves the room.

What a little love!

Okay, so here's the wonderful thing that's been on my mind.

Ehem.

I am this little boy's Mom!

I get to be with him almost everyday of his life!  I get all the laughs, the kisses, the jokes, the sweetness, the goofiness, the tricks, the magic, the amazement -- everything!

I get to be there when he starts to ask more questions.  When he uses more words in his sentences.  When he shows me how he understands more abstract concepts.  When he reaches new milestones.

I get to be there to see it all!

It is quite possible that I am the luckiest person on the planet.

When I think back to those days of internal debates about whether or not I should have a kid, I just shake my head.

There is no way I could have possibly fathomed how my life would change once the greatest gift a person can receive on this earth came into my life.

And I'm glad I never tried to plan for it any certain way.

Because things are working out perfectly.

No words needed

Enjoy your day!

Decisions, Decisions

Brady P. is really something.

I phrase that vaguely because I honestly don't know how to describe him sometimes.  But I can describe what he does.  Here's one of his latest.

When he knows what he wants, he will tell me in a word or two.  Sometimes those words are accompanied by a sign.  "Eat."  "Music."  "Computer."  "Rocks."  "Help, please."  Etc.

But sometimes I ask him a question and give him options.  All children should be able to make decisions about daily events and choices.  So we've been doing it more.  However, I have never seen a person react to a choice quite like Brady P.

"Braeden," I'll say as he zips up his jacket.  "Would you like to wear the football hat or the rainbow hat?" I ask, holding them in front of him.

He looks up at me like I just told him the juiciest secret in the world.  His eyes get big and his lips mash together like they are sealed.  I think he even blushes.

Then he starts to rock from side to side lifting each foot off the ground as he sways.  His eyes shift from the football hat to the rainbow hat and back again.  Then they shift up to me, beaming, as if to say, "Are you ready for my answer, Mama?  It's going to be the best answer ever!!!"

But he doesn't say a word.  He just rocks back and forth with that tight-lipped grin and wide eyes.  

"Which hat would you like to wear?" I ask again, hoping it will prompt a response.  But instead it shifts him into another fit of facials.

He will scrunch up his nose, open his mouth and stick out his front teeth while squinting his eyes.  Then he will lift his eyebrows while he rocks side to side thinking about which hat he wants to wear.

But he already knows.

He is being dramatic about it.  He is keeping me in suspense.

However, I am not suspended.  I already know, too.

After a couple minutes, if I still have the patience, he will look at me like he is about to burst with the most exciting news in the world.

Then he points to the football hat.

"Okay!" I shout.  "The football hat it is!"  And I put it on his head.

Whew.  Another two-minute decision initiated for Brady P.

Watching him go through this process is really interesting to me.  I can just see his wheels turning like they did when he was learning to kick a ball.

It's like I can watch the path of neurons firing in his body, through his brain and out his pointed finger.

Quite amazing.

And when I ask if he wants milk, juice or water with his oatmeal, he'll do the scrunchy face.  But, like with the hat, I already know the answer because his lips form an "m."

"Mmmik!" he shouts as if he just gave the world's greatest speech.

You know what?  For a little boy who is proud of his decisions and can actually verbalize them in a way someone can understand, I'd say it's a pretty great speech, too.

Guess what.

You didn't miss out!  The Vitality buy two get one free sale is still on until St. Patrick's Day!  Woohoo!  Shop now and get one item absolutely free with coupon code 3COLORS.  I've even added free shipping for these last few days.  I mean, what more could you really want shopping online?

Thanks for your support.  See you next week!

Game On!

As children grow and develop, their toys change.  The baby who was once thoroughly entertained by a hanging mobile and a squeaky toy learned to love dolls and trucks.

Okay, well, Brady P. was really never into dolls or trucks.  He moved on to puzzles, anything that played music and animals.

But now he is at a different stage.  A rather fun one that takes more of my (and other people's) time in order for him to play.

Games.

The first game I remember playing with him was the Memory game.  You know, a bunch of cardboard squares that you flip over then have to find the match by remembering where the heck you saw it last.

Our memory game was made from animal drawings by Charlie Harper.  Braeden already loved animals and Charlie's art, so I figure, why not.

Braeden was about three when we first started.  I didn't have very high expectations for his level of performance.  I didn't really know how much he understood because he didn't really talk.  And a few months before, when we tried it for the very first time, it was pretty useless.

So back on the shelf it went.

But during this second try, I was stunned.  He understood the concept of taking turns.  We worked on that in other ways before hand, so I wasn't too surprised about it, but it was apparent.

His slight OCD of feng shuiness made him excellent at putting the cards that were not a match back to the exact same place he got them from, and even making sure they were straight.  I don't even do that.

The smoothness at which we played the game was pretty effortless.  I think that he wanted to play the game so much that he made that extra effort to follow the rules, pay attention and keep it neat.

So we play again and again.  It's one of his favorite games.  But can I tell you the biggest surprise of all?

He is awesome at it.  

As in, he can beat me.

We started off putting all the matches into one pile, so nobody felt sad about losing.  But now, he keeps his pile and I keep mine.

I kid you not.  He usually wins or ties me.  He remembers where the monkey was from a couple turns ago when I had forgotten.  He hastily finds both ladybugs after I just guessed wrong.

The boy has a photographic memory.

I'm glad I like that game too because he makes me play it almost every day.

Then one day at speech therapy, Miss Dawn had the "Let's go Fishing" game, and he really enjoyed pulling the fish out of the "pond" with his finger.

Well, Nana Mary thought he should have that game at home, so she got it for him the next day.  I mean, that's what grandparents do.

Now this game has a pole that the player holds as the "hook" is supposed to make it into the mouths of the fish as the whole pond spins and the fish open and close their mouths.

Oh me of little faith.  I didn't think he'd be very good at it.

I was wrong.

Now I can't say he was as good as Nana (who taught me to fish in real life when I was a little girl), but he was doing really well.

 

Concentrating on the next fish

With a little carefulness and patience, he learned how to pull the fish out without dropping them back into the pond.  Just awesome for his find motor skills.

Also, on a daily basis, he wants to play this game too.

So I have observed that he loves games.  He is really good at following rules.  He loves to be challenged.  He loves to play with another person.

And, over all, these games are really good for his fine motor skills, his patience, his concentration, his attention span, his learning and his amazing photographic memory.

I am really excited to visit the toy aisle this year, because that good little boy is going to get some new games under the Christmas tree.

Developmental Plan

Kids are little, right?

They start out tiny and then grow up so fast.  They plow through an assortment of sizes in one year.  Their bodies grow and their minds expand.

Adults pretty much stay the same size.  We have our trusty shoe size that most likely won't change once it is perfected.  I rarely even try on shoes anymore.  Size 8?  Throw them in the cart.  Our heads and hands stay the same size too.  Sure, our waistlines may fluctuate, and our height might shrink as gravity settles our old bones, but once we are adults, we are adults.

And we are adults for most of our lives, if we live a long life.

So I am preparing Braeden to be an adult.

Ever since we got out of medical emergency mode, and I was able to take a step back and feel more like a "normal" mom, I realized that I had a growing, developing person on my hands.  And that growth and development was, well, in my hands.  

It was my duty to give him the tools to help him become the most amazing person he can be.  I know I say that often, but I'm going to put a spin on it for you.  

I didn't realize, until a few months ago, how my mind motivated me to do this.  Even though Brady P. has spent most of his developmental life being compared on charts to "normal" kids and other kids with Down syndrome, I choose not to pay attention.  It's all irrelevant.  Because the goal is not to make him fit in the box of the moment.

It's to get him to adulthood -- where, as we have just seen -- is where he will be for most of his life.

So Braeden excels in some areas: numbers, letters, shapes, animals, reading, colors, etc.  Those academic basics.  He is a genius.  Does that mean I should slow down teaching him in these areas because he is smarter than some normal kids his age?  Hello no.  We will keep going because he is hungry to learn.

He is behind in some areas: speaking, fine motor, dressing himself, potty training, etc.  Does that mean that I am a terrible mother and he will never learn those things?  Hell no.  I am paying attention to when he expresses interest and skills in these areas, so we can move forward and thrive instead of  drowning in frustration and disappointment.

He gives me the cues, and I follow.  Then I lead with my own ideas.

After all, he has years and years before he is an adult.  We have time for all those things.  Braeden is teaching me how to teach him at the level he is at, which comes in handy when I teach people other things.

Wow.  I didn't plan to write about this next thing, but I just had an epiphany.

So I have started teaching mountain bike fundamentals.  Mostly to women, but I've given tips to men as well.

Here is what I've noticed when I am progressing a group of bikers: I always, always, ALWAYS take them from where they are at.  Sometimes I have a woman who wants to fly over some jumps, and sometimes I have a woman who is afraid to get a tire off the ground -- in the same group.  

And they all want to learn and get better.

Being Braeden's mom has taught me how to watch for cues on when these women (or any person in my life, really) is ready for the next step.  Because there are two big things going on here.  One is that, in order to keep progressing, we need to keep moving forward and challenging ourselves.  The second is that we can't take too big of a leap before we are ready.  The nagging fears and lack of skills will end it in disaster -- in the mountain biking case, a broken collar bone or gushing wound (things I have so far not had to encounter).

In Brady P's case, extreme frustration and shutting down.

We cannot learn if we are shut down.

So we take the next step when we are ready.

That is how I've been doing it with that little man.  So what if he's behind in this and ahead in that?  He is himself.  And he is awesome.  We are moving forward as his interests and skills allow, and we will be perfectly on time for when he is an adult.

Because then, he will be in charge of teaching himself.

So just for a treat, here is a video taken by the amazing Lindsey Richter at coaches play time in the skills park before last weekend's Womens Weekend.  And yes, that was me at the end.  Not my best trick, but caught on film!

Copper Harbor Women's Weekend coaches