Downs by the Bay: No Boxes

Happy Thursday!

This morning as I snuggled in B's bed to wake him up for school, I asked him what he thought the weather would be like. His room was dark from pre-dawn and the cave I turned it into, so he only had his intuition to go on.

And his preferences.

Weatherman Brady P. forecasted that today would be sunny, warm and calm.

That is pretty desirable.

It's also what I believe he would choose for everyday of the year.

He was pretty close though. Today is sunny and calm. Not very warm -- chilly in the 50's actually. But sunny and calm.

So I'll give him that. My little meteorologist.

I really like having him in my life.

He is so unique and has a spin on reality that makes his presence and ideas a breath of fresh air.

He definitely does not fit into a box, though.

No, siree.

There is no box for him. At least not from what I have seen.

Even in our own home, things change on the daily. Especially in my own mind.

When I grew up, I often heard the phrase "because I said so." Many adults said that. It was supposed to be the end all of phrases, so the grown-up could have their way without a good reason besides that they are an adult therefore they are superior.

I still despise that phrase.

And, honestly, I will never say it because it is moot. It doesn't matter if "I said so" or not. There has to be a darn good reason behind why I asked something of anyone. It has to have a meaningful, fair reason.

And if I would ever say that to my own son, he would not even understand its meaning. He tests my reasoning all the time.

There has to be a reason for everything or he becomes confused or rebellious.

And along those lines, he never asks me "why?" So, in a way, I don't have to use that phrase because I am never asked why.

Yet!

But as we go throughout the day, each task needs to have a reason why we do it, or he won't do it.

Unless it was his idea.

For instance, when we get home from school.

"Mummy, eat a popsicle?"

"Well, Braed, today is Tuesday. We have homework on Tuesday, so after a couple pages of homework, you can have a popsicle."

"No, Mummy, no homework! Just popsicle." He smirks.

"Sweets, if you want to have a popsicle, you have to do your homework first. It's a homework day!"

"No, Mummy."

"Okay, Mr. Let's go up and get homework panda friend (a stuffed animal he picked to do homework with him. I do the voice.) and do a couple pages of homework. Then you earn your popsicle. Maybe you have a phonics page in here!"

"No, Mummy, no homework!!!"

Deep breath for mom.

"Braeden. Listen. Would you like a popsicle?"

"Yes."

"Okay. First we will do a couple pages of homework with panda friend. Then you can have a popsicle. Are you ready?"

"Yes, Mummy."

Okay. There. I got him to say that he is ready to do homework. Now homework has a green light for Brady P. Now we can move on with life.

Oy!

If I said, "Braeden, you will march upstairs and do your homework because I said so!" I would have a little boy flopping on the ground screaming, "No, Mummy! No homework!!!"

I know this because that's how he acts when I want him to do something he does not want to do.

Unless I give him a reason that he agrees to or a reward.

Daily life is troubleshooting, but that's parenting.

I am just trying to pay attention to how I can get him to act on his own accord while still getting him to do what I need him to do.

Rewards are helpful. Punishment is a disaster. Patience is never ending. And love is a priority.

Thanks, Brady P. for forcing me to pay attention to your needs, so we can figure out how to meet in the middle and both get our way.

It can be absolutely exhausting, but I still prefer it over man-handling my child and screaming at him. That will never work for us, and it would make me feel like a horrible person.

I tried it a couple times and immediately thought, "Why did I even do that? Now we both feel awful. And nothing got accomplished."

So, looking-him-in-the-eyes-with-a-smile-while-I-try-to-explain-the-process-until-he-agrees, will be my strategy.

Until he changes his way of thinking again!