Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Brighter Days

When was the last time you felt like a kid?

Like you were ready to take on the world.  Like you had so much energy that you had to roll in the snow to let some of it out.  Like you were carefree, full of laughter and longing to spread joy.

Brady P. is like this everyday that I am in a good mood. 

I was like this last week after I crawled my way out of being crushed emotionally.

Brief recap:

     Amanda recently finds herself in a situation where she thinks she is going to die.  She survives.  But she lives paralyzed in fear.  She cannot eat or sleep.  
     Grammy comes to save her and Brady P. from being alone, so the situation cannot happen again.  Grammy brings Amanda and Brady P. home to Wisconsin where Brady P. can be in good care of Grammy and Grampy while Amanda hibernates in order to heal.  
     Amanda cries.  She bawls.  She curses.  She journals.  She lets it all (well, at least as much as possible for now) out.  Then she meditates three times a day.  She focuses on peace.  On strength. On overcoming.  On brighter days.  
     Luckily, Amanda is in a quiet place in the woods, so she has no other demands placed on her besides the one to overcome trauma.

And she did.


Okay, back to first person.  I just wanted to remove myself a bit from that story, so it wouldn't be so emotional.  You don't need my drama in your life.

But I do want you to see my salvation.  Because after that week of purging fear, anger, grief, sadness and guilt, I could find myself again.

Those emotions are not part of who I am.  I am strong, upbeat, friendly, caring and positive.  I must move forward, and I must forgive.

When I was able to do all that, I quite literally became a kid again.  I couldn't wait to play with Brady P.  I sledded more than the little kids every chance I got.  I skipped and bounced and laughed and sang.  

I felt light again.

A lightness in my physical being, my emotions and even in the things I looked at.  I was so grateful because I could have been stuck in that dark, scared, depressing place in my mind for, well, forever.

But I knew that is not me.  That is not who I would let myself become because of someone else's actions.  I am a warrior, and I am here to help save the world.  

Thank goodness I can save myself.

Now, I'm not going to preach to you about any of this, but I certainly want you to see from my experience how the power of positivity, meditation, doing the work and having a supportive and safe place to stay while you are healing or trying to achieve a goal in life are quite necessary.  I could not have done it in a week's time without any of these elements.

Thank you to everyone who has offered me support.  Brady P. and I are stronger and wiser because of it.

And as proof that we are doing well, here is a video that my Daddio took on a sledding walk at the Rogers one day.  It is the first video I have edited in years.  It's simple, but sweet.  Enjoy!

1 comment:

  1. Alleluia Amanda, the best is yet to come! Hang in there