Priorities

I will prelude this post with some news.  

The Rock Tossing Competition for the Brady P. Project is canceled for this year. Not necessarily canceled forever, but it's not going to happen this fall.  I don't see myself throwing it all together in a timely fashion.

Now, I really, really, really wanted to do this because I said I would and I think it's a great and wonderful cause that Brady P. and I are committed to: saving the world one heart at a time.

Every time I thought about bringing this event to fruition, I got overwhelmed.  I didn't know how to do it.  I couldn't make any decisions.  I didn't think I had enough time.  I felt like I was grasping at straws.

Then, last week, I finally made a decision.

To postpone it for the year.

It is not a priority for me right now.

Now, quite frankly, I "have the time" to do this if it was forefront on my list of things to manifest.  But it's not.  I have other deadlines, daily maintenance and desires that seem to keep trumping it.

So I realized that it is not a priority.

Please notice how I worded that: If I know I can make the time, but I have decided not to, it is not a priority.  

You can tell what your priorities are because you make them happen.  You keep them in the forefront of your mind each and every day of your life.  You are so passionate about them that they cannot possibly slip through the cracks.

That's how I wrote Digging for Light.  I was still a full-time mom raising Brady P. when he was almost three.  I still had a house to take care of, food to cook, appointments to make, people to see, etcetera.  

But I brought out my computer during almost every single nap time to draft, edit and revise.  I wrote after I put him to bed at night and I got up before he woke up to keep pushing that book forward because, well, it was that important.  My heart and soul would not have it any other way.

I started Copper Harbor Vitality, LLC at the same time, so I could sell all my books online.  I started The Brady P. Project at the same time, so I could have a way for people to chip in, so we can help save the world, learn how to accept people for who they are and respect and appreciate Mother Nature.  All while finishing that memoir.  With all that, I designed two websites, set up an online store and troubleshooted my way through my own shipping system, so I can ship directly from home.  And I started this blog.

Most of those tasks were new to me, but I could not be stopped.  I had to prevail because it meant that much to me.  

I didn't sleep much.  My body was not tired.  Four hours a night was plenty because my brain constantly whirred with ideas and plans.  My fingers constantly tapped the keys on my keyboard and marked my manuscript with red ink.  

That, my friend, that is how you know what your priorities are.  Your priorities are what you are doing.  Right now.  Each and every day until you can check it off your list.

Once it's checked off (some things may never be), you can take a break or find a new one.

Priorities change.

I want to give you this example of how they have changed for me, so you can relate it to your own life.

Last fall, when I was working myself to the bone to accomplish my goals, I didn't let anything slow me down.  I didn't hang out with my friends because I was too busy.  I didn't enjoy much time outside because I was too busy.  I didn't spend any time with my then husband because I was too busy (but so was he).  

I gave just enough time to help Brady P. live and flourish.  When he slept, it was my time.  And I used it all on my goals.

Well, check, check and check.  (Except for the Rock Tossing Competition... but this is a different summer.)

And I am a different person.

I have three, mind you, three books to work on right now.  Touring the Tip needs to be revised, I got prospected to write one about Michigan bike trails, breweries and historic sites and I want to write one about how to listen to and follow your heart.

If this was last year, they would all be done.  But none of them are started.

Do you want to know why?

My priorities are different.

At first, I felt guilty.  I felt lazy.  I thought something was wrong with me this summer.  But nothing is wrong.  I am in a different place.

This is the most beautiful summer weather-wise that I have ever experienced in the Keweenaw.  I mean, it's actually summer!

I have been tending my garden wholeheartedly.  I have been riding my mountain bike each week (more than I have in years) because I am now teaching others how to do it effectively and it's important for me to stay in shape, up on my skills and improving myself.  I am socializing with my friends in a very meaningful way because -- how can I reach other people if I don't give them my time?  And I am, of course, enjoying the sunshine with my little love dove.  

We throw rocks, eat berries, run down the road, wave to all the people, practice headstands, dance in the bubbles, eat ice cream and so on.

I figure, in another month or two, most of the above two paragraphs will be impossible, so we will get it while we can.  And as the nights begin to cool off, I can already feel a little twinge of prodding to get back on the book writing train.

When that happens, my priorities will be different.

And that will be perfect.

Signing at the Laughing Loon!

I would be cheating you out of valuable knowledge if I didn't inform you that I will be signing books at The Laughing Loon in Copper Harbor on Saturday, August 11th from 1-4pm.  

Maybe I will see you there!

Big Spirit, Little Body

Hey!

So this is actually what I wanted to write about last week before it morphed into, well, what it turned into.

Braeden has this presence.

Where ever we go. 

He walks into a waiting room or a restaurant or the store like he owns the place.    He nonchalantly waves hi and makes sure everyone waves back.  He acts like every person in there already knows and loves him.  Which is ironic because, whether the people in those places know him or not, they feel his spirit.  It is exuberant to the point that his presence takes over people’s hearts – whether they are aware of it at the time or not.  

They are captivated.  To the core.

They are suddenly overwhelmed by a satisfaction, peace and joy that was not there before that soft, yet genuine little voice waved “hi.”

I usually hear people, whether we know them or not, comment about him.  Whether they think he is cute or precious or beautiful or extra special, they will comment.  It fills my heart, as that is confirmation on my suspicions about how he reaches people just by being himself.

Just this past weekend I had encounters with a couple of my  blog readers.  People I don’t know, but people that feel they know us because, well, I just put it all out there, you know?

But they are also people who have been deeply touched by my writing and Brady P's charm.  That is incredible to me because that combination is what is going to help save the world.  With the sweet note I got and the big hug Braeden got from two complete "strangers," I can see that it's already working.

That is big.  Because Braeden's spirit is big.  It is huge.

Even when it's just the two of us home together, I can feel his presence vastly.  It seems to fill the room and bust out of the walls.  It fills my being and has already changed me from the moment we first locked eyes.

So here is the ironic part. 

I feel my house exploding with Brady P-ness.  Like he is this incredible super hero with his own gravitational force and moons.  And when I turn to look at him, to see the actual amount of mass he takes up on this planet, I am most often astounded.

He is so little.  

He is physically so small.  He wears size 18 month pants.  He weighs roughly 26 pounds.  I can palm his noggin like a  grapefruit.  His fingers look like little nubbins sometimes.

He has an undeniably tiny body.

And I don't know why, but I am surprised each time I realize how small he is because it is such a contrast from his impact in this world.  

It almost seems impossible.

But there he is.  Just a little nugget, changing the world with one hug, one smile and one little "hi" at a time.

Practicing his headstand...

Upside-down and tiny

Developmental Plan

Kids are little, right?

They start out tiny and then grow up so fast.  They plow through an assortment of sizes in one year.  Their bodies grow and their minds expand.

Adults pretty much stay the same size.  We have our trusty shoe size that most likely won't change once it is perfected.  I rarely even try on shoes anymore.  Size 8?  Throw them in the cart.  Our heads and hands stay the same size too.  Sure, our waistlines may fluctuate, and our height might shrink as gravity settles our old bones, but once we are adults, we are adults.

And we are adults for most of our lives, if we live a long life.

So I am preparing Braeden to be an adult.

Ever since we got out of medical emergency mode, and I was able to take a step back and feel more like a "normal" mom, I realized that I had a growing, developing person on my hands.  And that growth and development was, well, in my hands.  

It was my duty to give him the tools to help him become the most amazing person he can be.  I know I say that often, but I'm going to put a spin on it for you.  

I didn't realize, until a few months ago, how my mind motivated me to do this.  Even though Brady P. has spent most of his developmental life being compared on charts to "normal" kids and other kids with Down syndrome, I choose not to pay attention.  It's all irrelevant.  Because the goal is not to make him fit in the box of the moment.

It's to get him to adulthood -- where, as we have just seen -- is where he will be for most of his life.

So Braeden excels in some areas: numbers, letters, shapes, animals, reading, colors, etc.  Those academic basics.  He is a genius.  Does that mean I should slow down teaching him in these areas because he is smarter than some normal kids his age?  Hello no.  We will keep going because he is hungry to learn.

He is behind in some areas: speaking, fine motor, dressing himself, potty training, etc.  Does that mean that I am a terrible mother and he will never learn those things?  Hell no.  I am paying attention to when he expresses interest and skills in these areas, so we can move forward and thrive instead of  drowning in frustration and disappointment.

He gives me the cues, and I follow.  Then I lead with my own ideas.

After all, he has years and years before he is an adult.  We have time for all those things.  Braeden is teaching me how to teach him at the level he is at, which comes in handy when I teach people other things.

Wow.  I didn't plan to write about this next thing, but I just had an epiphany.

So I have started teaching mountain bike fundamentals.  Mostly to women, but I've given tips to men as well.

Here is what I've noticed when I am progressing a group of bikers: I always, always, ALWAYS take them from where they are at.  Sometimes I have a woman who wants to fly over some jumps, and sometimes I have a woman who is afraid to get a tire off the ground -- in the same group.  

And they all want to learn and get better.

Being Braeden's mom has taught me how to watch for cues on when these women (or any person in my life, really) is ready for the next step.  Because there are two big things going on here.  One is that, in order to keep progressing, we need to keep moving forward and challenging ourselves.  The second is that we can't take too big of a leap before we are ready.  The nagging fears and lack of skills will end it in disaster -- in the mountain biking case, a broken collar bone or gushing wound (things I have so far not had to encounter).

In Brady P's case, extreme frustration and shutting down.

We cannot learn if we are shut down.

So we take the next step when we are ready.

That is how I've been doing it with that little man.  So what if he's behind in this and ahead in that?  He is himself.  And he is awesome.  We are moving forward as his interests and skills allow, and we will be perfectly on time for when he is an adult.

Because then, he will be in charge of teaching himself.

So just for a treat, here is a video taken by the amazing Lindsey Richter at coaches play time in the skills park before last weekend's Womens Weekend.  And yes, that was me at the end.  Not my best trick, but caught on film!

Copper Harbor Women's Weekend coaches

Unity Dance

You probably recall that Aaron and I have separated.  In fact, right around now is our official moment of divorce!  It's okay.  We are both better because of it.

That's pretty personal, I know.  But my point in telling you that is that the decision Aaron and I made between us has had a big impact on our families as the ripples cascaded down.

It is not necessary for me to go into the details of those ripples because, like any divorce involving children, the children are the priority.  No matter what.

In this case, Brady P. is that child.

Brady P's life started off hectic enough with all the traveling that was necessary for his health and family visits.  I carted that little boy all over Michigan, Wisconsin and Minnesota.  Sometimes with grandparents.  Sometimes with Aaron.  Mostly by myself.

So Braeden is used to the travel and seeing people here and there.  But what he wasn't used to was seeing both sides of the family without his mama.

In the last few months, I have dropped him off with the Rogers' side and gone back home or did my own thing for "Aaron's time" with Brady P.  So, in a situation where I would usually stay for the duration with the in-laws, I started to leave.  That's just how it goes.  That's part of it.

But Grammy Rogers, Windy as I call her, is one of my bestest friends ever.  Can you imagine the emotions we each went through as I divorced her son?  It was a lot.  A lot a lot.

And now, here we are, each our new, evolved selves, and our friendship continues to grow.  Our laughter still carries over the lake as we sit side by side throwing rocks with Brady P.  Our hearts still purge our deepest feelings and insights to each other.  And our uninhibited mouths still tell each other what the other could stand to fix about herself.  Ha.  That's a real friend right there.

The other day, Windy noticed that Brady P. doesn't like that her and I live in different houses and only spend friendship time together.  She said, "He thinks we should be together."  Because we have all lived together on and off since he was born.

Maybe that's just the way it is supposed to be to him.

Interesting enough.  He certainly lets his thoughts known as he begs Grammy Windy to stay when she tries to leave our house.

While we were still married, Aaron's parents and my parents became good friends.  They liked to drink their homemade wine together, discuss Brady P. and give each other gardening tips.  I enjoyed that they all got along. 

Okay.  So here comes my point of this post.  I appreciate you wading through a borderline diary entry to get this far.  You are a trooper.

Last week, my whole immediate family came to visit.  My mom and dad, my brother and his wife, my sister and her son and even my brother's wife's parents!  I was elated that they all traveled such a distance to meet in my neck of the woods.

Well, at the same time, Aaron's parents were here, so at one point, we were all together -- some of them meeting for the first time because they live so far away.  I thought it was cool.

And so did Braeden.

In fact, the morning my family planned to leave, Grammy and Grampy Rogers, Brady P., Grammy Wais and Auntie Alex were all on the front porch with me.  Music was playing (as usual) from inside, and Braeden wanted to dance.

He has this new dance where he likes to hold hands with two other people, join in a circle and walk around while he does this crazy galloping jumping move.  (It could almost be a river dance, he is so bouncy!)

That morning he took the hand of Grammy Rogers and Auntie Alex, my brother's wife.  They all joined hands and danced in a circle.

That's so cool, I thought.  They just met each other, yet they are part of my family, and Brady P. got them to join hands and dance in a circle.  

After they were spent, he reached out and took Grampy Rogers' and Grammy Wais' hand, and they all danced in a circle.  There he was again, joining people who may have never seen each other again because of the decision Aaron and I made last fall.

But Brady P. will never let that happen.  He knows there is more on this earth to keep us bonded in ways we may not understand.  And he proved it in that little unity dance, where no one hesitated to take another person's hand because he was the glue that keeps us together.

We should be so lucky.

And as a bonus, here is a picture Auntie Alex took of our little man at the nose of Brockway Mountain.  I don't know why he didn't have shoes on, but he still makes that jacket look way cool.

Little man

Really "Hi"

So this "hi" and "bye" thing is getting hilariously out of hand.

Yesterday we sat in my mini van, parked at the Houghton Culver's facing highway M-26.  As we shared and deeply enjoyed a double mushroom swiss burger, I noticed something new he was doing.

"Hi.  Hi.  Hi.  Hi.  Hi.  Hi."  He repeated, seemingly unprovoked.  Sometimes three hi's.  Sometimes too many hi's to count.  Sometimes slow hi's and sometimes fast.

What is he doing? I wondered.  Why does he keep saying that so many times? I sat bewildered as the juicy mushroomy goodness dripped down my chin... again.

And then I listened to him as I looked out the windshield.

Oh, my God.  This kid is hilarious.

He was saying "hi" to every single car, van or pickup that drove by.  From both directions.  We were near the traffic light, so sometimes traffic would be stopped, and no cars would drive past.  But once the light turned green, they all vroomed by, and he greeted every single one.  From both directions.

I cracked up.

I turned to him and laughed.  "You're saying hi to all the cars, Braeden!"

He cupped his hands together and stretched out his arms in front of his body while he laughed his thanks-for-noticing-how-cool-and-proud-I-am laugh.

What a guy.

So each time he said "hi" several times in a row, I watched the traffic, then turned to him when it was done, and we laughed.  Just two goofy kids in a mini van laughing hysterically at... what would seem like nothing to most people.

The two main things that broke this line of events was another juicy bite of cheeseburger or a big truck.

Because when a big truck went by, he pointed and yelled "beeg uck" for big truck.  Yup.  Just like "big rock" except now we were looking at big trucks.  I caught onto that one fairly quickly.

But then the truck four parking spots over backed out and drove away.

"Bye!" he shouted to them with a wave.

Though I wasn't surprised, I just chuckled again.  That kid.  There is so much more going on in his mind than just talking to the cars that go by.  I wish I could tell you what it is, but I don't know yet.

Like I said before, I am so excited for him to be able to tell me someday.  Then Brady P.'s secret to life will be out.  And we will be able to help save the world.

Though this video was provoked, I wanted you to be able to hear his sweet little voice say "hi" and "bye" to you!

Did You See That?

I feel like Braeden is the epitome of inclusion.

He wants everyone to feel acknowledged.

And now that he can say "hi" and "bye" without prompting, at the perfect times, he is starting to spread his love verbally.

"Hi!" he shouts as someone new enters the general store while we are hanging out by the ice cream cooler.  "Bye!" he waves when they leave.

"Hi!" he calls when a couple walks down the road with their dog.  "Puppy!" he squeals and points.

"Bye!" he waves from his wagon when a pickup truck starts its engine in the parking lot and drives away.

"Hi!" he announces when a friend walks up to greet us.  "Bye!" he waves his excited, yet floppy wrist just before they turn to leave.  And their heart melts as his sweet, little voice acknowledges their departure.

My heart melts too.  And I often chuckle at his insistence on greetings... for the goofiest things sometimes.  But they are not goofy to him.  They are important.

I don't think he just sees the people.  He sees their energy.

With that being said, I've also noticed that he likes some people better than others.  He loves calm, loving people.  Peace, groundedness and caring.  I feel like he sees little rainbow hearts slowly dancing around their body.  He is drawn.  And he himself is calmed.

I am calmed by these people too.  And I am working on more peace within myself.  Don't get me wrong, I feel quite peaceful overall.  But when I am responsible for a small child who greatly enjoys running off into the distance without looking back, I have to stay on my toes.  And he can even feel that ounce of stress in me.  

He probably sees it.

Like little loaded springs bouncing irregularly around my head as my tension and alertness rise.  I know he sees something.  And I am so excited to ask him about it when we are able to have conversations.

But for now, I just watch his emotions.  How they express on his face and throughout his entire body.  He can't hide how he's feeling -- not for a second.  His uninhibited nature expressed it fully.  And he is able to read it in others.

Like they are his favorite book.

So go ahead, express yourself.  And imagine how Brady P. would react.  Are rainbow hearts dancing around you?  Loaded springs?  Lightning bolts?  Roaring tigers?  Babbling brooks?  

Try being mindful of the energy you give off and the energy you feel from others.  Cuz, if you were Braeden, you would see that whole other realm.